Feedback for my 2nd game - Gift From A Roi

It's finally released!
40 hours, 52 minutes, 8 seconds dedicated to writing.
17,928 words
100,105 written character count
19 outcomes from choices
Completable in less than 2 hours (100%)

Gift From A Roi, a text-based adventure novelette is available now on my itch page! Hope ya'll have fun with it!

https://start-from-cero.itch.io/gift-from-a-roi

Any feedback would be most helpful!

I’ll try to take a look at it this weekend! Are you looking for feedback on anything specific or just general impressions?

In any case, kudos to you for following through on this. I’ve always wanted to work on a solo dev project like this, but I tend to not make it very far before I lose heart and give up. So you should be proud of yourself for making it to the end!

I’ll try to take a look at it this weekend! Are you looking for feedback on anything specific or just general impressions?

In any case, kudos to you for following through on this. I’ve always wanted to work on a solo dev project like this, but I tend to not make it very far before I lose heart and give up. So you should be proud of yourself for making it to the end!

Any type of feedback, positive or negative, and general impressions of the experience will suffice. I need to know going forward with any upcoming projects (one I'm planning in Godot engine) where I may need to improve. Though this titles mostly writing focused, as its a pretty straightforward and short text game.

Also thanks! Yeah, this one really should not have taken this long. I went through similar experiences before my first game (Constricted) and going into this 2nd one while dealing with real life stuff was taxing but satisfying.

The best advice I can give is make a game with a set deadline for first title and join a game jam. That's one of, if not the main reason I got my first one done. I joined the Retro Game Jam for 2022, and you had to have developed the game within a 24-hour window (not nonstop). Even if it turns out unfinished, you are encouraged to submit what you completed, as its still just fun and it helps with feedback getting data from Jam votes for Categories.

I made this one with a set deadline of 168 work hours (1 week). I told myself if I can't get it done in that time frame then it can't be released. I had to significantly cut down the amount of choices and content, but it helped me focus and keep the project scalable with my skills, which are admittedly still amateur level at the moment.

Not sure what game engines you've tried, but for first timers I recommened GB Studio, Twine and RPG in a Box. GB and Twine are free, RPG in Box is $30. I tried using other so called "easy to learn" engines, such as Godot, Unity, GDevelop, RenPy and RPG Maker. But from what I've experienced in all (started with RPG Maker in 2012) is they are nowhere near as easy compared to those 3 I first listed as people claim. Some of them (Unity, RPG Maker) can also come with more restrictive licensing agreements if you aren't careful, so its just more hoops to jump through when you are a beginner.

Sorry for the delay in feedback--it's been a rough week, but I finally had a chance to sit down and try out the game.

Overall I quite enjoyed it! It's a fun adventure, and I really came to like Brice over the course of it despite his rough first impression. His charisma carries the story with a healthy sense of humor but also tragedy in his past. I'm also a total sucker for choose-your-own-adventure stories with tons of ways to die. I almost wish there were MORE ways to die, especially once the adventure reaches a global scale.

As far as pacing goes, I think that it moves at a rapid enough clip to keep the player's attention without getting muddled up in unnecessary details. However, something you may want to consider is that the pacing changes pretty drastically between the first half of the game and the second half. The first half has lots of brief passages broken up by choices, but in the second half the passages get much longer, with fewer choices. Neither half is weaker for it, but I did prefer the pacing in the first half since the various bad ends offered a darkly humorous break to the action/exposition.

When it comes to the choices the player can make, I did feel like it was pretty clear which choices were "right" and which were "wrong." In most cases, the options basically boil down to one choice that will probably move the plot forward and one which won't, so a player focusing on the "golden route" will miss a lot of the flavor text from the bad ends. That's not a problem if you're okay with that, but you might consider implementing choices where the results are less predictable.

There were also a few times where I couldn't understand the motive behind certain choices. For example, in the beginning, you can choose to wait in line or leave, which is understandable, but then after you make it to the coin machine, you're faced with the same choice. I couldn't really imagine a situation where anyone would wait in a line for 20 minutes just to leave after finally making it to the front. I tried the "leave" option anyway just to see what would happen, but it was basically the same as the previous "leave" result (except I think the text was slightly different?). Another example was toward the end when you give the player the option to draw their own blood or stab Brice. As a player, I couldn't really think of a good reason to stab Brice, since the ritual didn't really require much blood to begin with and murder seemed a bit drastic. The character seems to get a bit frenzied, which I suppose gives an in-game reason for the stabbing, but since I as a player am not feeling that same frenzy, my rational mind is always going to lean toward the rational choice.

I think you have a couple of ways to deal with those questions of motivation, and I'll use the "Stab Brice" choice as an example. One way would be to write the scenario in such a way that stabbing Brice (or even just using his blood instead of the player-character's) seems like a potentially valid option. You could raise a sense of doubt about whether a random person's blood would even work to lift the curse or if it has to come from a member of the Lafitte bloodline. You could also make it a question of responsibility, with the player-character wondering if it's really fair for them to spill blood when it's Brice's fault that all this happened anyway. Either of those (or a combination of both) could give the player more of a reason to think that Brice should be the one to pony up his blood instead (and thus make them think a little harder about the possible outcome of the choice). However, if you wanted to keep that sense of frenzied bloodlust, you could still make that work by using a very barebones morality system. Basically, every time the player does something thoughtful (like listening to Brice's backstory) they get a point, and every time they do something selfish they lose a point. If they don't have enough morality points by the end of the game, the player may automatically give in to their frenzy and stab Brice, but if they do have enough points, they can resist it. From the little messing around that I've done in Twine, I think it has the capacity to track simple variables like that.

I hope my feedback helps even a little bit! Those were my main takeaways, but if you have questions about anything specific, I'll try to answer to the best of my ability. I'm primarily a writer, so that's what I tend to focus on, but I'm happy to discuss any other aspects!

16/19 endings in order of appearance:
WHAT NEVER WAS
CASHED OUT ENDING
DECLINED ENDING
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP ENDING
LOOK BOTH WAYS ENDING
FEAR OF SUCCESS ENDING
CAUTION: WET FLOOR ENDING
ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING
CONCEALED CARRY ENDING
WALK AWAY ENDING
LIVING HIGH ENDING
SILENT WEALTH ENDING
ON EDGE ENDING
CRUSHED ENDING
HIT TO THE HEAD ENDING
TRUE ENDING

A fun funny little adventure! I approach these intentionally trying to find ways where I can screw up, which was very amusing in this case as it seems some of the "sensible" choices where the fastest way to mess up. Just a nice little twist. Although even now I'm shocked that I didn't get hit by a car as I ran. Just felt like I was asking for it with how fast I went for it.

“I’m driving; let’s get tickets quickly! Don’t really feel like waiting around to die in an accident”.

I see what you did there.

I was surprised that Brice got so much backstory. Just wasn't expecting it with this kind of short game. I was also very surprised that he wasn't a traitor in the end. If anything, it would be the player.

Functionally, I very much appreciated how I was able to go back and forth between choices. It's very tedious to have to start all over again when you just want to jump back in. No need to "save" either, as I was just able to quickly backtrack. Maybe it would have been nice to number the endings? Some games do this. If it was numbered I may have gotten a clue that I missed one somewhere, unless it's preferred to leave that a mystery to fuel the search for the rest.

Sorry for the delay in feedback--it's been a rough week, but I finally had a chance to sit down and try out the game.

Overall I quite enjoyed it! It's a fun adventure, and I really came to like Brice over the course of it despite his rough first impression. His charisma carries the story with a healthy sense of humor but also tragedy in his past. I'm also a total sucker for choose-your-own-adventure stories with tons of ways to die. I almost wish there were MORE ways to die, especially once the adventure reaches a global scale.

As far as pacing goes, I think that it moves at a rapid enough clip to keep the player's attention without getting muddled up in unnecessary details. However, something you may want to consider is that the pacing changes pretty drastically between the first half of the game and the second half. The first half has lots of brief passages broken up by choices, but in the second half the passages get much longer, with fewer choices. Neither half is weaker for it, but I did prefer the pacing in the first half since the various bad ends offered a darkly humorous break to the action/exposition.

When it comes to the choices the player can make, I did feel like it was pretty clear which choices were "right" and which were "wrong." In most cases, the options basically boil down to one choice that will probably move the plot forward and one which won't, so a player focusing on the "golden route" will miss a lot of the flavor text from the bad ends. That's not a problem if you're okay with that, but you might consider implementing choices where the results are less predictable.

There were also a few times where I couldn't understand the motive behind certain choices. For example, in the beginning, you can choose to wait in line or leave, which is understandable, but then after you make it to the coin machine, you're faced with the same choice. I couldn't really imagine a situation where anyone would wait in a line for 20 minutes just to leave after finally making it to the front. I tried the "leave" option anyway just to see what would happen, but it was basically the same as the previous "leave" result (except I think the text was slightly different?). Another example was toward the end when you give the player the option to draw their own blood or stab Brice. As a player, I couldn't really think of a good reason to stab Brice, since the ritual didn't really require much blood to begin with and murder seemed a bit drastic. The character seems to get a bit frenzied, which I suppose gives an in-game reason for the stabbing, but since I as a player am not feeling that same frenzy, my rational mind is always going to lean toward the rational choice.

I think you have a couple of ways to deal with those questions of motivation, and I'll use the "Stab Brice" choice as an example. One way would be to write the scenario in such a way that stabbing Brice (or even just using his blood instead of the player-character's) seems like a potentially valid option. You could raise a sense of doubt about whether a random person's blood would even work to lift the curse or if it has to come from a member of the Lafitte bloodline. You could also make it a question of responsibility, with the player-character wondering if it's really fair for them to spill blood when it's Brice's fault that all this happened anyway. Either of those (or a combination of both) could give the player more of a reason to think that Brice should be the one to pony up his blood instead (and thus make them think a little harder about the possible outcome of the choice). However, if you wanted to keep that sense of frenzied bloodlust, you could still make that work by using a very barebones morality system. Basically, every time the player does something thoughtful (like listening to Brice's backstory) they get a point, and every time they do something selfish they lose a point. If they don't have enough morality points by the end of the game, the player may automatically give in to their frenzy and stab Brice, but if they do have enough points, they can resist it. From the little messing around that I've done in Twine, I think it has the capacity to track simple variables like that.

I hope my feedback helps even a little bit! Those were my main takeaways, but if you have questions about anything specific, I'll try to answer to the best of my ability. I'm primarily a writer, so that's what I tend to focus on, but I'm happy to discuss any other aspects!

Sorry to hear about your week. Hope you've been doing better now.

In regards to feedback:

I was initially planning on adding more deaths and a much broader scope to the narrative. The reader (player) was initially going to be given much more options in regards to choices. Even having entire branching story-lines that would completely branch off from the true ending. However, as I learned with my first game (Constricted) that simply wasn't going to be an option, on account of my self-imposed deadline, other factors outside my control and the lingering fear of feature creep in terms of scope. Though going forward for whatever I work on next I'll certainly continue to broaden my scope in terms of player options, as I prefer that method of design.

Yeah, the pacing was definitely a tricky act to maintain, on account of what was mentioned above. And I agree that the 2nd half could have used more choices and buildup.

Definitely want to make any decisions I design less predictable for upcoming projects.

In regards to the choice motivations I wanted to try to make it as modular as possible, but with the time frame hanging over my head only within reason. So I had to make a tough call on whether certain decisions were logical "outs" while giving players agency, without necessarily having the plot veer off to far in any direction that would lead to feature creep or seeming illogical in the long run.

As for some plot points that happen later, I can shed some light on that. When you are given the option to stab Brice that is alluded to being a test of sorts. To see if you have chosen to take and use the gift bestowed to you. This is also why the ghost of the Duke proclaims you are "Ingrat", ungrateful. Its there to further establish that getting rid of the gift, without passing it down to someone or, in that endings case, murdering them, shows how unworthy the bearer of the coin is.. Though I was absolutely at one point contemplating adding more choices and possibilities to that outcome, I was worried about potential inconsistencies in the narrative, as I had previously had to rewrite a section that contained a story ending plot hole prior to that section.

I'm thinking if I use Twine again I'll have a more robust system at play, in regards to options players can take, similar to what you've mentioned if I get around to making another title with the engine.

And yes, your feedback was absolutely helpful, and quite thorough! The only other thing I'm curious about at the moment would be what your opinion on the True Ending is? Did it feel appropriate with how the story panned out to you, or too rushed?

16/19 endings in order of appearance:
WHAT NEVER WAS
CASHED OUT ENDING
DECLINED ENDING
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP ENDING
LOOK BOTH WAYS ENDING
FEAR OF SUCCESS ENDING
CAUTION: WET FLOOR ENDING
ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING
CONCEALED CARRY ENDING
WALK AWAY ENDING
LIVING HIGH ENDING
SILENT WEALTH ENDING
ON EDGE ENDING
CRUSHED ENDING
HIT TO THE HEAD ENDING
TRUE ENDING

A fun funny little adventure! I approach these intentionally trying to find ways where I can screw up, which was very amusing in this case as it seems some of the "sensible" choices where the fastest way to mess up. Just a nice little twist. Although even now I'm shocked that I didn't get hit by a car as I ran. Just felt like I was asking for it with how fast I went for it.

“I’m driving; let’s get tickets quickly! Don’t really feel like waiting around to die in an accident”.

I see what you did there.

I was surprised that Brice got so much backstory. Just wasn't expecting it with this kind of short game. I was also very surprised that he wasn't a traitor in the end. If anything, it would be the player.

Functionally, I very much appreciated how I was able to go back and forth between choices. It's very tedious to have to start all over again when you just want to jump back in. No need to "save" either, as I was just able to quickly backtrack. Maybe it would have been nice to number the endings? Some games do this. If it was numbered I may have gotten a clue that I missed one somewhere, unless it's preferred to leave that a mystery to fuel the search for the rest.

I decided, much like my first game (Constricted) to keep any backstory for the player character to a minimum, in order to facilitate a better sense of the player being the one in control. While I'm not against writing a backstory, I much prefer trying to write or design games where the player feels as though they have the most agency over their actions. Too many games, both well written or otherwise, often fall into the narrative design trap of "offloading" a backstory that the player may not even end up being invested in. So I've tried to make my titles as straightforward as possible, in regard to how quickly the player can jump into the action, without being weighed down too much by narrative constraints.

Having a numbering system of sorts, or perhaps a checklist might help with encouraging players to keep searching for endings. I'll certainly see if I can implement such a system in the next game I'm working on, in RPG Architect.

Sorry to hear about your week. Hope you've been doing better now.

In regards to feedback:

I was initially planning on adding more deaths and a much broader scope to the narrative. The reader (player) was initially going to be given much more options in regards to choices. Even having entire branching story-lines that would completely branch off from the true ending. However, as I learned with my first game (Constricted) that simply wasn't going to be an option, on account of my self-imposed deadline, other factors outside my control and the lingering fear of feature creep in terms of scope. Though going forward for whatever I work on next I'll certainly continue to broaden my scope in terms of player options, as I prefer that method of design.

Yeah, the pacing was definitely a tricky act to maintain, on account of what was mentioned above. And I agree that the 2nd half could have used more choices and buildup.

Definitely want to make any decisions I design less predictable for upcoming projects.

In regards to the choice motivations I wanted to try to make it as modular as possible, but with the time frame hanging over my head only within reason. So I had to make a tough call on whether certain decisions were logical "outs" while giving players agency, without necessarily having the plot veer off to far in any direction that would lead to feature creep or seeming illogical in the long run.

As for some plot points that happen later, I can shed some light on that. When you are given the option to stab Brice that is alluded to being a test of sorts. To see if you have chosen to take and use the gift bestowed to you. This is also why the ghost of the Duke proclaims you are "Ingrat", ungrateful. Its there to further establish that getting rid of the gift, without passing it down to someone or, in that endings case, murdering them, shows how unworthy the bearer of the coin is.. Though I was absolutely at one point contemplating adding more choices and possibilities to that outcome, I was worried about potential inconsistencies in the narrative, as I had previously had to rewrite a section that contained a story ending plot hole prior to that section.

I'm thinking if I use Twine again I'll have a more robust system at play, in regards to options players can take, similar to what you've mentioned if I get around to making another title with the engine.

And yes, your feedback was absolutely helpful, and quite thorough! The only other thing I'm curious about at the moment would be what your opinion on the True Ending is? Did it feel appropriate with how the story panned out to you, or too rushed?

Sorry I just noticed your reply!

To answer your question about the True Ending: I wouldn't say that the ending itself felt rushed, but the sequence of events leading up to the climax moves so fast that I suppose it feels slightly unearned? Like the MC hasn't worked hard enough to get there yet. Maybe if there was one more trial/riddle for them to overcome? I'm putting on my narratology hat here and thinking of the Rule of Threes. There's getting into the temple, cutting the thumb, and tossing the coin, which is technically 3 things, but the bit about tossing the coin feels more like a last trick/twist than a full riddle of its own. One more Indiana Jones/National Treasure style obstacle would really seal the deal.

Other than that, though, I felt like the passage displayed for the True Ending is a satisfying conclusion. It's short relative to the rest of the story, but resolutions are meant to be proportionately small. So I'd say efficient, not rushed.