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Today on Finnedorb...



Sid Meier's Pirates! (2004) (PC-Physical): 3:28

Story: At the young age of 8, your family is taken prisoner by the evil Marquis. You manage to escape, and 10 years later you become a pirate on a quest to free them while making some money.

Gameplay: The majority of this game is you traveling with your crew on boats around the Caribbean sea. I started at the default year of 1660, so the area was controlled by the British, Spanish, French, and the Dutch. Most of them are at war, and if you capture an enemies boat, you can gain promotions. I ended up becoming a major for the French and the Spanish, a captain for the British, and I never spoke to a Dutch governor so I never got promoted by them. You can also romance a governor's daughter by completing an easy dancing mini-game or giving them jewelry. I did this a few times, but I never went out of my way for it. While you're in a town you can get repairs from a shipwright, buy and sell from a merchant, or you can go to a tavern. The tavern's a great place to recruit more men, buy special items, and gain quests. There's a list of the top ten pirates, and I made it my mission to become the most notorious pirate on the sea. I got close, but I never found Blackbeard so I had to settle for #2. Rescuing your family involves waiting to hear a piece of information from a guy in a tavern. He'll tell you about a different guy who knows something, then you hunt down that guy and he gives you a piece of a map where a family member is being held. This can either be very helpful, or completely useless. The first piece I got trying to find my sister was in the latter category, and I found her by complete accident while looking for Captain Kidd's buried treasure. Once you rescue your sister, you get the quest to hunt down the Marquis. Don't fucking do it, not until you have some combat equipment. I did, and I lost 20 times in a row which made me lose all my items, my crew, and my ships. I tried to get back on my feet, but when I lost to fucking Jack Rackham, I knew it was time to retire. This is one of those games you can end at any time by dividing the plunder. I gave up my loot, and settled for a life on land, becoming a Parson which isn't the worst job to get, I could've become a butler or a mortician if my fame was lower.

I tried again on a second save, but I just got bored. You really need to be in the mood for a Sid Meier's game. I can't count how many times I've started and quit a game of CIV VI because I got bored, yet it's still one of my favorite games of all time because of the saves I see through. I can imagine myself playing this again, but for now I'll settle for getting a fame score of 30. I technically did complete this game since I divided the plunder so it's not a retirement, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't regret not making the Marquis fish food. 7/10

Get ready for a lot of titles starting with "The"



Best Possible Game: Tom Clancy's™ Splinter Cell is a game I've always wanted to play, I've just never gotten around to it. I'm a massive Metal Gear fan, so this is right up my alley.

S: The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker is a game I almost beat a few years back, but then my Wii U gamepad died and I couldn't update the system without it (thanks Nintendo). I'm not sure whether or not I should start over or continue my save, I was almost done with the Triforce hunt and I had done almost every side quest. The Evil Within just seems like a really good horror game that I'd love to try out.

A: Turok looks fun and it's been a while since I've busted out my N64. Ocarina of Time and Ocarina of Time Master Quest are technically the same game, but for some reason I feel like having them both in my backlog. Either way, they are both considered one of the best games of all time. The Simpsons Hit & Run was the first Gamecube game I owned, so it has a special place in my heart and it's always a lot of fun. I never got far in Twilight Princess, but it's been like 7 or 8 years since I've touched it and I have a feeling I'll like it if I try it again. Thief Gold, again, just looks like a game I'd really enjoy.

B: To be honest, I don't know much about Tenchu, The Captain, The Wonderful 101, or Total War: Warhammer, but for some reason I'm more willing to play them then anything in C-tier. The Desolate Hope was Scott Cawthon's first moderate success, and the artwork in it is stunning. I don't know how much I'd enjoy it as a game, but I know I'd enjoy the visual feast. The Hunter: Call of the Wild seems like it'll be really fun, or really boring, just like real hunting. I loved The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, but I'm not sure I'm ready to start a 60 hour game when we're this close to the end of the challenge. I'd have fun, but I'd prefer to have fun over the course of 10-20 hours instead. The Outer Worlds seems fun enough, but it would probably just end up being a 7/10 for me. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is another Zelda game I've owned forever but never made much progress in, I remember enjoying it and I probably still would, just not to the extent I would probably enjoy Twilight Princess. Tomb Raider and Tomb Raider Anniversary both look good and I don't have much more to say than that.

C: You know the drill by now

D: I'm not much of an MMO guy, not even with Elder Scrolls gameplay so I'd rather not play The Elder Scrolls online. The Witcher 2 could probably be played without playing the first game, but I'm a sucker for playing games chronologically so I would play the first game anyway and that would take 40-50 hours, and I haven't exactly heard glowing reviews of the first two Witcher games so they would probably be a slog to get through. The House of the Dead Overkill and The House of the Dead 2+3 Return would be in A-tier if I hadn't played Umbrella Chronicles. The Legend of Zelda 1 has notoriously not aged very well. The Witness just seems a little boring, and I'd have to play it if I rolled The Looker since it's a parody of it.

F: The Witcher 3 is actually really good, the problem is that I would play The Witcher 1 and 2 beforehand totaling this to over 100 hours.

Worst Possible Game: Adding up the Main Story times of The Elder Scrolls Arena-Skyrim totals to 167 hours. This would likely be shorter in practice, but it would still be close to, if not over 100 hours of gameplay. The Elder Scrolls Arena and Daggerfall would be the worst of it since they rely heavily on having a manual which The Elder Scrolls Anthology does not contain.

There's a 63% chance I roll a game starting with The. Let's see if we beat the odds.



I'd rather not, let's reroll



YES, and it's not a game that starts with The. Thank you Tom!

Today on Finnedorb…



Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell (Xbox): 21:29

Story: You play as Sam Fisher, an NSA agent in 2004. Georgia’s new president Nikoladze is up to something fishy. Two other agents were sent in, but we’ve lost contact. Sam infiltrates their last known positions, finding both agents' bodies in a police department. Their subdermal implants were removed, and the NSA tracks them down to the Georgian Defense Ministry. Our goal here is to figure out what Nikoladze is up to. The man who killed the two agents, Vyacheslav Grinko, is meeting with someone. We interrogate his driver in the parking garage to figure out the location of the meeting. We use a mic to listen in, learning that Nikoladze is up to something in Azerbaijan, with the help of Grinko’s Mercenaries, and a hacker named Philip Masse. During the meeting, Phillip reveals Nikoladze has files relating to the mission on his personal computer. We rappel into his office and find out he’s secretly invaded Azerbaijan, creating commando cells and refugee camps. After fighting through mercenaries, Sam leaves. We have enough evidence for NATO intervention, and now we’re at war. 10 days later (somehow) almost all the command cells have been destroyed. There’s location data for the last few on an oil rig. Sam infiltrates, and things are going smoothly until the US Military starts bombing the place. So here’s the thing, the government doesn’t… know the NSA has anything to do with this whole situation, and our commander, Lambert, has been hiding everything. The bombing causes the Georgians to start retreating, but Sam catches up and gets the data. In the data, it’s discovered there’s been a massive leak in the CIA database. Since Lambert refuses to tell the government what’s going on, Sam needs to sneak into CIA HQ in order to find the mole. We can’t kill anyone or we’re fucked. We sneak our way inside, and we make our way to the central server. The leak is coming from one unsecure laptop owned by Mitch Dougherty. We kidnap him, and it turns out he’s not a spy, he’s just an idiot who hoarded a bunch of files onto one laptop without securing it. Along the way, Sam gets a brand new rifle. It has a bunch of attachments and a scope I didn’t find out about until halfway through the second to last level. Our analyst, Anna Grímsdóttir, figured out the data was being received at a place called Kalinatek, but she was locked out before getting anything solid. Our next mission is to infiltrate Kalinatek. Things aren’t going great over there, Grinko’s mercs are killing people and setting up bombs. We need to find a programmer named Ivan who has an encryption key. Lambert has finally realized not telling anyone about these missions is a terrible idea, so he’s informed the FBI. They’ll come rescue the programmers when we’re done. The mercs have set up wall mines everywhere, and I was going crazy not knowing how to disarm them. Eventually I stopped being stupid and looked at the mission notes which gave instructions (it’s moments like these that caused this playthrough to be 21 hours long). After we get the key, we need to fight our way through dozens of mercs. It’s not so bad until literally the last two. They kill Vernon Wilkes Jr.(I didn’t mention him, but he was our getaway man), and we need to take them out before we can escape via helicopter. Let me set the stage for why this was so annoying. The last checkpoint was before three mercs we need to take out. They’re not too bad, but it’s still an opportunity to take damage. Then we need to watch a cutscene of Vernon dying which, by the way, is unskippable and around 25-35 seconds long. Then there’s just the last two. The first guy is running to higher ground, and he’s decently hard to hit since bullet-spread is such a nightmare in this game (again, I didn’t know about the scope on the SC-20K yet), but the second fucker is being protected by several wooden planks. He’s in this spot on higher ground that is insanely hard top hit. Not to mention, you have basically no cover in the spots where you can shoot him. This guy is very hard to hit, and he gunned me down almost every time. This was such a pain in the ass that took a solid hour or two until I finally got lucky and headshot him before he could kill me. We leave, and the encryption key gives us data on a nuclear power plant Nikoladze is potentially staying at. That’s PS2 exclusive though, so next we’re infiltrating the Chinese Embassy in Myanmar. We found some communications between Nikoladze and the embassy, so we’re there to find any evidence China is supporting Nikoladze. We’re not allowed to kill anyone because war with China is scary. We talk to our contact who informs us Nikoladze is having a phone call meeting with someone in the ambassador’s office. We sneak into the embassy’s courtyard, and we use the mic to hear what’s going on. A general named Kong Feirong has been supplying Nikoladze with weapons and men. Nikoladze is planning on executing several captured American soldiers in a nearby slaughterhouse, and then he will broadcast it to… make America angrier? I feel like that would backfire horribly, but it won’t have a chance to since Sam is coming to save the troops. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, this level fucking sucks. It is the worst level in the game by far. There’s a section in the beginning with mines and spotlights that is horrible and took me an hour, there’s a shit ton of forced combat sections, and there’s a section late into the level with a bunch of soldiers and turrets that made me rage quit. Eventually, we find the soldiers, and it turns out some Chinese ambassadors are also being held. They tell us that Feirong is acting alone, and that there’s evidence on the computer in the ambassador's office which Feirong has taken over. Grinko realizes that we’ve found the hostages, so he sends a bunch of mercs to take us out. Once we’ve killed enough, he comes down to finish us off himself. He’s actually a tough motherfucker, he killed me several times, but eventually I shot him in the head. The mercs scattered after Grinko died, and everyone was safely brought home. We head back to the embassy, but there’s a bunch of keypads in between us and the ambassador’s office. We have no codes, so Grímsdóttir comes up with the idea to use our thermal goggles to see what buttons have been pressed. The issue is that the first key pressed has only a very faint heat signature, and I genuinely didn’t see it until the final keypad, so I was mostly just guessing. Eventually someone punches the code into the keypad for the ambassador’s office, and we meet face-to-face with Feirong. He’s drunk and suicidal as Nikoladze has abandoned him. We grab him, and force him to unlock his computer, giving us all the evidence we need to stop the US from going to war with China. The building is suddenly on fire, so we leave. It’s time to finally take out Nikoladze. He’s at the Georgian Presidential Palace. He’s being tortured for information on a secret weapon known as the ark. It was mentioned several times in different data sticks, but now it’s time to grab it. We don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s called the Ark so it must be pretty powerful. We infiltrate the palace, and hack into the new president’s computer. The ark is being stored in a vault that has a retina scan tied to Nikoladze. There it’s revealed that the ark… is a suitcase nuke. That’s it? I don’t know what I was expecting with 2004 technology, but the name suggested something a lot grander. There’s a sort of civil war going on inside the palace, Nikoladze’s men are fighting palace guards and Georgian special forces. Someone figures out where we’re going, and guards are sent to take us out in the library. This is meant to be an intense battle, but if you run past the guards and into the vault, a trigger triggers and kills them all. We find Nikoladze, and we force him to open the vault, but… there’s nothing there. Some Georgian special forces arrive, and Nikoladze reveals that the ark is in America already. He’ll tell them the location if he’s guaranteed safety. They agree and escort him out of the room. We have the activation codes from hacking into that computer earlier, and the special forces try to get it out of us. Lambert and the crew cause a blackout in the room, and we take out all the enemies. We chase Nikoladze, and we get into a position where we need to snipe him. That position is pretty shitty though, so we unlock a door and move to a better position. Sam looks into the scope, holds his breath, and takes the shot. Nikoladze is finally dead, and it definitely didn’t take me 20+ tries. Everyone knows we’re here, so we’ve gotta disappear fast. We sneak past some guards in the dining hall, and make our way to a door just before the palace entrance. It’s a good thing we took this door since there are guards pointing guns at the other two. We shoot out the lights, kill a few guards and exfiltrate. The war with Georgia is over, and the president thanks each and every person who fought (except us, Lambert didn’t tell him we were doing all this). Nikoladze’s death is attributed to some palace guard who went berserk, and we watch TV with our daughter until the call of duty rings again.

Meh

The story is fine, it just feels a little generic. Maybe if the ark was more than a suitcase nuke I’d have more to say. The characters aren't that interesting, and I forgot a lot of names while writing this. If there was more dialogue they'd be more memorable.

Gameplay: Splinter Cell is very famously about sneaking around in the shadows. Sneaking feels good, and it’s a lot of fun. I can’t say the same about everything else. The platforming is horrible, especially the wall jumps. Wall jumping isn’t used very much, and I ended up accidentally doing it several times causing me to either die or be put in a terrible position. Even when you do need to do it, it’s incredibly imprecise. Shooting either feels really fun, or like complete bullshit depending on how lucky you are with bullet-spread. You could have your entire crosshair on a target, but there’s always a chance the bullet will veer completely off target. I get it’s supposed to make the game more “realistic”, but it’s more annoying than anything. Sam is very fragile, and it doesn’t take much to put him down. Automatic gunfire is such a pain in the ass because of this, especially from turrets.

I didn’t really like Splinter Cell that much. The game is okay, but it’s not one of the greatest games of all time like a lot of people say. I’ve heard the other two 6th generation games are better so maybe I’ll check them out, but this game is severely overrated. 6/10

Splinter Cell was pretty disappointing, but I don't have any expectations for these games so at least that won't happen again



Best Possible Game: Undertale is a good game, the pope wouldn't own a copy if it wasn't. I started a Pacifist run a few years ago, but I got stuck on Asgore. I'll start over if I roll this and make getting the revolver a priority.

S: N/A

A: N/A

B: I've heard this game is decent so I wouldn't mind getting it.

C: It's just two pretty low-budget Wii games. I can't quite call them shovelware, but they're close.

D: I started Uncharted 2 a while ago and I didn't really like it. I'll power through if I roll it, but I don't think I'll changed my mind

F: N/A

Worst Possible Game: This is the sequel to Untold Legends and it's 13 hours longer, sitting at a 5.3/10. That doesn't sound like a good time.

Well not too many games to go over. I'll probably only reroll if I get Unreal Tournament 2004 since I don't own UT 1 or UT 2003, or Untold Legends 2 since it looks bad.



Undertale it is. I've been wrong about what's the best possible game in the past, but I think I'm objectively correct here.

Today on Finnedorb…



Undertale (Switch): 6:25

I actually started this game back when it first came to Switch back in 2018, but I got stuck fighting Asgore and never picked it up again. That is until yesterday two days ago! I went for the True Pacifist ending because it’s the best ending. I really didn’t expect to beat this so fast, I only wanted to get to Mettaton today yesterday and I ended up beating the whole thing.

Story: Long ago, monsters and humans lived in harmony, but for unknown reasons war broke out. The monsters were defeated without a single human casualty, and they were banished underground. The only way for the monsters to break the curse is for a monster to absorb 7 human souls. You play as Frisk who has accidentally fallen into the Underground. We meet a flower named Flowey, He tells us that monsters spread love through these little white petals. I’ve played this game before though and also had access to the internet during 2015-2017, so I know Flowey is Satan. I dodged the bullets, and Flowey realizes I’ve played this game before so he surrounds our soul with petals, but Toriel burns him and takes us in. Toriel lives in the ruins where all monsters used to live, and she wants to take care of us. She teaches us how to use mercy by performing different actions on different monsters. She has to run an errand and she leaves us alone with a phone, so we explore the ruins. It’s mostly just puzzles, but we buy a donut from some spiders, and we meet a depressed ghost named Napstablook. Toriel calls us asking if we prefer butterscotch or cinnamon, but because I’ve played this game before, Toriel just has a feeling that I prefer butterscotch. We bump into her, and she brings us to our new home. We take a nap, and receive some pie, but it’s about time we head back to the surface. Toriel has seen this happen six other times, so she decides to destroy the exit to the ruins. We stop her, and she makes us prove we can survive outside the ruins. Since I’m doing a pacifist run, this fight just involves sparing her over and over again until she figures out she can’t stop us. She gives us a hug, and we leave the ruins. Flowey makes fun of us for not killing people, and leaves. It’s snowing intensely outside, but we travel onward. Suddenly, a shadowy figure approaches from behind. We turn around, and he offers his hand. We shake it, and it makes a fart noise. This is Sans, and he figures out immediately that this is our second playthrough since we’re not supposed to turn around until he says something. Everyone knows who Sans is, he’s the funny skeleton who’s lazy and has a very hard boss fight with an amazing theme. He warns us that his brother Papyrus who wants to capture a human is coming. We hide behind a conveniently shaped lamp, and Sans talks to Papyrus. Papyrus wants to capture a human so he can join the royal guard and become popular so he’ll have a bunch of friends. Sans tells him he might want to look behind the oddly shaped lamp, but Papyrus thinks he’s joking and leaves. We finally meet Papyrus in person a few screens later, and he sets up some puzzles for us. Before that though, we fight Doggo and Lesser Dog, two guard dogs that leave us alone once we pet them enough. We go through the skeletons’ puzzles including an ice puzzle, a crossword, an electric maze, some frozen spaghetti, some switch puzzles, and finally a randomly generated maze featuring a bunch of different spaces that do different things. Papyrus pulls the lever to generate a maze, and after giving everyone a seizure, it generates a straight line we walk across. Papyrus has decided he likes us, so he deactivates the last puzzle that probably would have killed us, and we enter the town of Snowdin. It’s filled with wacky characters, and you can buy items at the shop. Once we walk out, it’s time to fight Papyrus. He’s going to try his best to capture, so we take the natural course of action and start flirting with him. He’s flustered, but keeps attacking you with everything he’s got. He primarily attacks with bones, and he introduces us to blue attacks. We need to stay still and they’ll pass right through us. Eventually he tries to pull out a special attack he’s been saving, but a dog has stolen it for himself. After a final attack, he gives up, and we spare him. We can move on, but during the fight he agreed to go on a date with us so I take him up on the offer. We go to his and Sans’ house, and we start the date. He bought a book to help him, so following its instructions he changes into something comfier, and he’s brought us a gift of spaghetti. He admits he doesn’t feel the same way, but we agree to be friends. We get out of Snowdin, and head for Waterfall. The path’s pretty quiet, but we run into Monster Kid, he’s a massive fan of the captain of the royal guard, Undyne. He goes on ahead, and we continue forward. Along the path are these things called echo flowers, they repeat whatever they last heard. Eventually we cross paths with Undyne. Papyrus reports his failure to her, and he leaves. We’re hiding in some bushes below, and when we move Undyne notices the sound. She can’t tell where we are exactly, so she hides in the shadows and follows us. Eventually she makes her move and starts throwing magic spears at us. We run, and we even lose her for a little bit, but eventually she corners us. Instead of outright killing us, she for some reason uses a spear to slice the platform we’re standing on so we fall. Some trash breaks our fall, but we’re attacked by an angry training dummy. He’s cousins with the dummy Toriel initially used to teach us how mercy works, and apparently we were so boring he flew away from the ruins just to get away from us. Now the Mad Dummy is here for revenge. He has other dummies attack you with their magic attacks, but they accidentally keep hitting him. He fires them, and replaces them with robots. The robots are even worse, so the Mad Dummy decides to take care of us himself. He throws a knife at us… and now he’s out of knives. He’s content to fight us forever, but Napstablook saves the day by crying on him. It feels like acid, so the dummy flies off. We follow Napstablook to his house and hang out for a while before we continue on. We run into a crazy old turtle who’s running a shop, and if we try to sell him something, he tells us there’s a place nearby called the Temmie Village. They might actually buy our stuff (they aren’t very good at running a profitable business). We encounter a Temmie on the next screen, and eventually we find the hidden Temmie Village. Temmies are designed and named after Temmie Chang who did most of the sprite work for this game. At the Tem Shop, we can pay 1000g to send a Temmie off to college. I didn’t have the cash for it yet, but if you do this, you can get the best armor in the game. We go back onto the main path, and Undyne once again corners us. She’s about to run a spear through us, when Monster Kid gets in the way. He finally realizes that we’re human, and Undyne drags him offscreen. We encounter him again a few screens later, and he tries to be enemies with us but he just can’t. Undyne attacks again, but Monster Kid trips and nearly falls to his death. He’s clinging to the platform, and we pull him up. Monster Kid tells Undyne she’ll have to go through him if she wants to kill us, and she backs off. He decides he’s had enough adventuring for the day and heads back to Snowdin. With Monster Kid gone, Undyne attacks again. She takes off her helmet revealing her fishy face, and the boss battle begins. Undyne’s fight involves us blocking spears using a shield. After enough spears, we can run away. The process repeats until we enter Hotland. As the name suggests, Hotland is hot, and Undyne is a fish in a suit of metal armor so she passes out. We can leave her to die, but there’s a convenient water cooler nearby, so we pour some water on her. She gets up and leaves. We walk forward and find a massive lab. It belongs to Dr. Alphys, she’s the king’s royal scientist after something happened to the last one (no one can agree what, it’s the subject of like 5 game theory videos). She’s become a big fan of us after watching our journey through a bunch of cameras. There’s a pretty easy path to the castle she’ll take us through, but there's a problem. Alphys built a gameshow robot that has turned violent, and now he’s coming to kill us. The robot, Mettaton, breaks into the lab, and begins the show. He quizzes us on several different topics, with Alphys helping us out using hand signals. Eventually he asks about a series of dating games called Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, and Alphys can’t help but answer it herself. Mettaton realizes Alphys was helping us, and asks us who Alphys has a crush on in order to embarrass her. I’ve played this game before so I know it’s Undyne, and after laughing at Alphys, Mettaton leaves. Alphys gives us her number so she can help us, but when she looks at our phone she’s horrified. It’s… OLD! Alphys makes some quick upgrades to it, and adds us as a friend on a social media app. We keep moving, and a bunch of puzzles have suddenly reactivated. We need to solve all of them if we want to get to the castle. Eventually we run into Mettaton again, this time running a cooking show. We help out against our will and gather the sugar, eggs, and milk. Mettaton rips out a chainsaw since apparently this cake requires a human soul in the recipe. Alphys rings, and tells Mettaton to think of the vegans. Mettaton remembers there’s a substitute, and sends us off to get it. It’s on a countertop, but when we reach it, the counter suddenly grows to be several stories tall. If we don’t get it in two minutes, we’re toast! Alphys reveals our phone can turn into a jetpack, and we fly up. Mettaton tries to stop us by slowing us down with flower and eggs, but we reach the substitute. Mettaton halfheartedly congratulates us and then tells us the cake was baked ahead of time because this is a cooking show. A little later, we run into Mettaton again, this time it’s a news broadcast. There are several items in the area, and once we choose one to report on it’s revealed the item’s a bomb. In fact, EVERYTHING’S a bomb. If we don’t defuse them in two minutes, an even bigger bomb will go off and kill us. We defuse a glass of water, a dog, a basketball, a present, a movie script, and a videogame. Mettaton congratulates us by revealing the big bomb won’t go off in two minutes any more, rather, two seconds. Before we explode, Alphys manages to hack in and defuse the bomb so Mettaton leaves. Moving on, we run into a spider bake sale. It’s run by Muffet, and she’s charging nearly 1000g for a donut. I don’t have that kind of money, so I left. Muffet tries to kill us since some other spiders told her a human wearing similar clothes to us killed a bunch of spiders long ago, and since we didn’t buy anything, Muffet thinks it’s us. I knew this fight was coming, so I saved a spider donut from the ruins just for this. If we eat it in front of her, she suddenly gets a telegram from the ruin’s spiders and she thanks us for supporting spiders everywhere. Right after this, we participate in a play with Mettaton, and he drops us into a dungeon. He brings back the randomly generated tile puzzle from earlier, and we have three minutes before some fire will come and burn us. We fail the puzzle, but luckily Alphys hacks in and disables the fire. Mettaton decides to attack us, and Alphys tells us to press the yellow button on our phone. It allows us to shoot lasers, and they hurt Mettaton so he leaves. Something about the way he leaves feels off, like he was faking it, but we’ll leave that for later. We head to MTT Resort, a massive hotel run by Mettaton. Sans is waiting for us, and he invites us to dinner. He tells us about a day when he was bored and practiced knock knock jokes on the door to the ruins. When he said knock-knock, unexpectedly, a lady asked who’s there? He tried out a few jokes, and she loved them. They practiced jokes with each other everyday for a while, until one day when she seemed sad. She asked Sans to look over a human if one ever comes out of the door. Sans agrees, and he assures us that if he didn’t make that promise, he would’ve killed us when he first laid eyes on us. This is a side of Sans we don’t see much in the Pacifist route, but he shows it off a lot in the Genocide route. We leave the hotel, and now it’s time to run through the core, a giant powerplant that supplies power to the entire underground. We solve many puzzles, and spare many monsters, and now it’s time to fight Mettaton, for real this time. He reveals he never went haywire or malfunctioned, Alphys asked him to be an obstacle since she wanted to be a part of the adventure. But Mettaton is sick of this, and he wants to take our soul so he can cross the magical border and become humanity's newest superstar. Alphys calls us, and tells us there’s a switch on Mettaton’s back that transforms his body into a more vulnerable state. We flip it, and Mettaton takes on a new form. The battle that follows progresses by raising the ratings through striking poses, and getting hurt. Eventually we blow off his arms and legs. He still thinks he can kill you, and when ratings are high enough, he lets some members of the audience call in. Napstablook calls in and says he’ll miss Mettaton when he’s gone. Mettaton is saddened by this, and even refers to Napstablook by a pet name, suggesting a prior relationship. More and more audience members call in and tell him not to go, so he ends the battle, realizing he’s needed down here. The castle is in sight now, and we meet up with Alphys who reveals we won’t be able to just cross the border to go home like we thought, we have to kill Asgore and absorb his soul. Alphys goes home, knowing that one of her friends is going to be dead within the hour, and now it’s time to enter the castle. Or it would be if I didn’t want to do some other things first. I went all the way back to Waterfall so I could befriend Undyne. Papyrus is waiting for us, and he gives us a bone to give to Undyne. Undyne invites Papyrus in for some training, and is surprised when she sees us. Papyrus gives the bone to Undyne who stores it with the rest, and then he jumps out the window so we’re forced to talk to each other. When you tell Undyne you want to be friends, she laughs in your face and tells you to leave. Papyrus comes back to the window and said he thought Undyne would be up to the challenge, but he guesses not. Once he leaves, Undyne decides to accept the challenge, and tells you to sit down. She asks you what you want to drink, and when you get up to select something, she throws a spear into the table. She’ll get it for you, and you select a drink with the spear. She sits down with you and tells you about how she got her ass kicked by Asgore, so they started training together until she could finally knock him down. Then she realizes Papyrus isn’t here for his cooking lesson, so you’re going to have it instead. It’s time to make spaghetti, and Undyne helps you. Eventually it’s time to turn up the heat, and Undyne tells you to make it as hot as possible, but you make it too hot, and the house gets set on fire. Undyne decides humans and monsters can never be friends, and she starts to fight you. She tells you to hit her as hard as you can, but we don’t. She thinks we did, and the pathetic strike reminds her of someone she used to train with. She decides we can be friends, and we leave the burning house. After this, I went back to Papyrus’ house to fight the Switch exclusive boss. We enter Papyrus’ raised sink, and we pull open a door with our joysticks. Inside is a doll version of Mew Mew from Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. We touch it a few times, and then it springs to life. It becomes apparent it’s possessed by the Mad Dummy from earlier. He fights us in an attempt to fully fuse with the doll. This boss fight has us dodging attacks by moving halves of our soul with the joysticks. Eventually, when the fight isn’t helping him fuse, we tell him to start loving. We show him love by sparing him, and he thanks us before leaving. Last pitstop before the end, I have enough cash to send Temmie to college. She comes back smarter, and sells us the best armor in the game, the Temmie Armor. Now it’s finally time, this was where I got stuck the first time, and now it’s time to redeem myself. We head back to the castle. Along the way a bunch of monsters tell us about a human who fell down here a long time ago. They were adopted by the royal family, and became true friends with their brother, Asriel. Then one day, the human became sick and died. Their last wish was to see their village again, and Asriel absorbed the human soul to cross the border. He brought the body to the middle of the village, but the other humans thought he killed them. The humans attacked, and Asriel didn’t fight back. He came back to the castle, and died on some flowers. From that point, Asgore decreed that any human who fell down here was to be killed. This disgusted his wife who left him. In the castle there’s a house that resembles Toriel’s, and it becomes clear that she was the queen. In one of the final rooms before the throne, we encounter Sans. He acts as a judge, judging you by how much exp you’ve gained throughout the playthrough. We didn’t kill anything so we didn’t gain exp, and he lets us go. He also tells us he knows we’ve done this before, so he gives us a codeword for the next time we’re here. This is where you would fight him in the Genocide route, and it’s part of the reason why I’ll never do the route. Finally, we come face to face with Asgore. He’s polite and clearly doesn’t want to fight, but he must. We go to the border, the six human souls he’s collected pop out of the ground in jars, and we fight. He destroys the Mercy option, and we begin attacking. I only got stuck here because I was out of money and couldn’t buy better equipment, but now with the right armor and weapon, this fight is easy. We defeat him, but instead of killing him we show him mercy. He promises to raise you as his own, but then suddenly, he’s surrounded by petals. They dive into him and he’s killed, with a final petal destroying his soul. Flowey reveals himself, and absorbs the six human souls, becoming a god. The game resets (I think it crashes on PC), and Flowey destroys our save file. Flowy shows off his new form, a hideous, realistic monster with a TV showing off his face. Even in this new form, he still needs a seventh human soul to destroy the border so he can kill everyone. The fight is tough, and we call for help. The other souls resist Flowey’s influence, and they heal you. Eventually they’re able to drop Flowey’s defense to 0, and we can attack him. We defeat him, and he loads back a save, undoing your progress. He kills you a few times, until the souls destroy his power, and break this form. Now it’s just us and a defeated Flowey. Even though it’d be nice to, this is a pacifist run so we don’t kill him. He runs away, and the normal ending plays with Sans calling you to check in. Flowey comes back and tells us to load our save since we could’ve been better friends with Alphys. Loading the save, we get a call from Undyne, asking us to deliver a letter for her. We meet up, and she tells us to give it to Alphys since she hates Hotland and doesn’t want to go there herself. We deliver it to Alphys, and apparently the letter was Undyne asking her out on a date. She forgot to put her name on it though, so Alphys goes on a date with us instead. We move to the landfill, but conversation is sparse, and Alphys tells us she has feelings for Undyne, not us. We do a bit of roleplay, but Undyne catches us. Alphys reveals her feelings, and Undyne literally throws her in the trash. Don’t get it twisted though, that was a yes. She goes off with Alphys and also Papyrus to help train her confidence since it’s a sore spot for her, and we go back to the lab. We enter a room that, on the outside, looks like a bathroom. However, it’s an elevator. It suddenly loses power, and we crash into the True Lab. It looks abandoned, and several data entries tell us what happened. Asgore tried to figure out a way to break the border using monster souls, but they disappear when they die. Alphys has an idea to inject monster souls with determination, it's what allows human souls to remain once they die. Several monsters who have been stuck in a coma were wheeled in to be experimented on. Something went wrong though, and the determination ended up allowing the monsters to make a full recovery. The next day however, they started melting and combining into each other creating monstrous amalgamations. We fight a few of these as we go through the lab, until we find Alphys who’s trying to turn back on the power. She’s decided to reveal what happened down here to the public, it’s time for her to stop lying. She turns on the power, and we all take the elevator back up. Suddenly, we get a call from Papyrus who tells us to go to the castle. We enter the fight with Asgore once again, but this time Toriel shows up and blasts him with fire. One by one, everyone shows up including Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys.. Papyrus then reveals he was told to do all this by a flower. A massive vine impales the main cast, and Flowey shows up. He tries to kill us, but our friends protect us. Eventually, every monster we’ve encountered shows up to cheer us on. This was a mistake however, and Flowey kills everyone, absorbing all of their souls to take on his true form. Flowey is revealed to have been Asriel the whole time, and now he has the power of a god. The fight begins, and all we can do is hope and dream. After enough turns, we begin rescuing everyone’s souls, weakening him. We start talking to him, trying to save him, and eventually he stops the fight. He was corrupted by the first human’s soul, as is shown at the end of the genocide route when that soul reveals itself as a fourth-wall breaking, genocidal maniac. We learn the protagonist's name, Frisk, here and we give Asriel a big hug. He destroys the barrier, and brings everyone back. With the barrier destroyed, all the monsters live their lives on the surface. Toriel becomes a teacher, Alphys and Undyne get together, Papyrus gets a car, and everyone is happy, ending the game.

This story and its characters are amazing, there’s a reason it’s considered one of the greatest indie games ever made. The soundtrack that accompanies it is one of the greatest in video games as well.

I’m not going to bother with a gameplay section, everyone knows the gameplay of Undertale and I don’t have much to say about it. I’ll just say I wish there was a run button, Frisk’s speed can feel a little slow at times. I had a mild obsession with this game for a while, and after finally beating it for the first time, I can tell why. 10/10

Alright, it's V time. I only own two games that start with V, so I won't reroll for this one.



Best Possible Game (By Default): Valkyria Chronicles looks like WWII Fire Emblem, and that sounds like a lot of fun

Worst Possible Game (By Default): I don't know anything about Vampyr other than the fact there's (probably) at least one vampire in it, but I only own two V games so it goes here.

Let's see what I'm playing



Nice! This will take a while, but I'll probably have fun with it.

Alright so I just got done with Valkyria Chronicles, and I have a feeling the review might take a while so I'm just gonna go ahead and roll W now.



Best Possible Game: I'm just as shocked as you are, but I genuinely think Who Wants to be a Millionaire 3rd Edition is the game I'd enjoy the most. I had a fun time with 2nd edition even if I gave it a low review score, and none of the other games (except the first edition) really stand out to me.

A: N/A

B: Who Wants to be a Millionaire 1st Edition is just 2nd edition with different questions and possibly less features. Watchdogs looks decent and honestly some Ubisoft junk food sounds good to me right now. Wii Sports Resort is fun but not really substantial if your doing a playthrough instead of just a couple of sports.

C: The two Warhammer games are in here because I know nothing about the series or either of these games.

D: WinBack is considered one of the first cover-shooters and it's on the N64... that doesn't sound very fun.

F: N/A

Worst Possible Game: I am horrible at all the games in William's Arcade's Greatest Hits except Joust. Plus I'd need to figure out when to count each of these as completed since they're arcade games. Sure something like Sinistar is easy, just kill Sinistar, but when is Defender or Joust over?

Not a stellar lineup, but let's see what I'm playing



Well that sure is a game that exists that I know nothing about, but I won't reroll. I don't want to risk getting one of the games that'll require me to get other games.

Okay so While True: Learn() was way easier than I thought it'd be, and I'm already done with it. The review won't be coming until I'm done with the Valkyria Chronicles review which I also started today. It's a big one, it took me three pages to just introduce Squad 7. With that out of the way, here's the tierlist for X:



Best Possible Game: It's a stylistic fps game I've wanted to play for a while, but more importantly, XIII is short

S: N/A

A: XCOM looks good and I've heard good things about it. I'd enjoy playing it.

B: From what I understand, XCOM 2 picks up as if you failed one of XCOM's earlier missions so I wouldn't need to play the first game. I feel the same about this as I do XCOM 1, it's just longer.

C: N/A

D: N/A

F: N/A

Worst Possible Game: Xenoblade Chronicles is a lot of fun, but it's nearly 60 hours long. When I'm this close to the end, I really don't want to play something that long.

There's a 50% chance I roll something over 30 hours, I really hope I get lucky here.



Not the worst, but I'm rerolling to try and get something shorter



YES! Holy shit I was so scared I'd roll Xenoblade Chronicles, this is a roll I've been thinking about since before this challenge started. I'm so glad I rolled XIII!

I love the tier list you have within your blog.

Got done with XIII so now it's time to roll Y. I promise the Valkyria Chronicles review will be out soon. While True: Learn() will at least be a very short review so the XIII review should also come soon.



Best Possible Game: I've always wanted to get into the Yakuza series, and Yakuza Kiwami seems like a great place to start. It seems a lot more fun than the rest of the games here which are mostly 2-D platformers.

S: N/A

A: N/A

B: N/A

C: I'm not really a big fan of 2-D platformers, and while these two are good, they don't excite me.

D: Unlike Woolly World and Impossible Layer, Yoshi's New Island isn't a good 2-D platformer.

F: N/A

Worst Possible Game: Yakuza 0 looks amazing, but it's 30 hours long and I want to finish this challenge by the end of the month.

Since I only own one game that starts with Z, this is the last roll of the entire challenge. We've come a long way, but we're not done yet!



It may not excite me, but I'll take it. I don't want to risk rolling Yakuza 0 or Like a Dragon.

Today on Finnedorb…



Valkyria Chronicles (PS3): 35:24

Story: Like Final Fantasy VII, this game is very long so I’m not going to be able to go over everything. Unlike FFVII though, I’m going to actually try to go over the whole game instead of the first few hours. The year is 1935, the continent is Europe (or Europa as they all call it). The continent is divided by empire and ideology. In the west there is the Atlantic Federation, and in the east there’s the East Europan Imperial Alliance. Between the two in what’s in the rough area of Lithuania and Latvia, is the small kingdom of Gallia. Gallia is a neutral power, even through the great European War. But the Imperials have finally made a move on the Federation, starting the Second European War. Gallia tries to remain neutral, but the Imperials view them as a valuable source of ragnite (storywise you can just consider it something like oil), so they begin their invasion. The small bordertown of Bruhl is an easy target, and evacuations have already begun. This is where we meet our protagonist, Welkin Gunther, son of the famous general from EUW1. He’s returned to his hometown of Bruhl to help his sister Isara move. He spots some fish in a pond, and crouches down to draw them. Welkin loves nature and he wants to become a teacher. The town guard, seeing this mysterious man crouching down and drawing something in his book, thinks he’s a spy. Alicia Malinchott arrests him, but Isara comes to the rescue. Alicia realizes she’s just arrested General Guther’s son, and Welkin is let go. Mostly everyone has evacuated by now, and Alicia takes a moment to apologize to Welkin. She’s usually a baker, but she was recently drafted. Just then, there are gunshots in the distance. The invasion has begun. Try as they might, there’s no way the town guard can win this fight so they defend a gate while people escape. Welkin rushes home to make sure Isara is alright. Two imps have invaded the house, and they’re about to kill Isara (and a pregnant lady named Martha, her one purpose is to give birth in the next battle, then she never shows up again). It’s revealed that Isara is a Darcsen, a race of people accused of destroying several European civilizations a couple hundred years ago. Darcsens are discriminated against across Europe. She manages to get her hands on a rifle, and Welkin busts in, knocking out a guard with a fence post. Isara shoots the other one, and she reveals that General Gunther left them a tank she’s been maintaining called the Edelweiss. Isara drives while Welkin gives commands, and they help the town guard defend. Everyone manages to make it out as the Imperials officially occupy Bruhl. Several weeks pass, and the gang’s been drafted. Due to his defense of Bruhl and nepotism, Welkin is immediately promoted to Lieutenant. He’s placed in charge of the Militia’s Squad 7. While at the nation’s capitals, Randgritz, he also runs into his old friend Faldio who’s in charge of Squad 1. Alicia’s been placed into Squad 7 with Welkin, and Isara is still driving the Edelweiss. The Militia’s current mission is to take the Vasel Bridge, a key strategic bridge for moving supplies. This information is being given by Commander Varrot, but halfway through the meeting, this asshole General Damon who calls the Militia a bunch of redneck swine (not exact words but close). Carrot reminds the general that his army lost the bridge in the first place, and he storms off. The next battle is just taking over a small urban area so we can have a better position. Before that though, we unlock the ability to create our squad.

--Intermission--

It’s time to meet the team

In the squad there are captains who give you some cp (command points) to order units with.

Welkin is obviously the leader of the team, and he controls the Edelweiss with Isara. The tank is great, but it has a weak spot that can instantly destroy it, forcing you to load a save or restart the battle (this was 90% of my deaths).

Next up is Alicia, she’s a scout and a pretty decent one. I didn’t use scouts that much, I just prefer shocktroopers and engineers a lot more, but I used her in every battle.

Then there’s Rosie and Largo, the other two main characters. Rosie is racist and that’s her personality for a little over half the game until she witnesses a Darcsen labor camp get burned with everyone inside of it (we’ll get to it later). She’s a shocktrooper, but probably my third least used one in actual combat. I deployed her a lot for the cp, but there are much better Shocktroopers. Largo is a Lancer/Anti-tank. He’s the experienced soldier who helps the team get along. He’s a cool character in the story, but I hated using him in actual combat, he’s such a shit shot. There were so many times when he just missed a point-blank shot on a tank.

Moving on from them are my favorite soldiers, being deployed in nearly every battle.

First there’s my favorite shocktrooper, Hannes (that’s pronounced Hey-ns, I was pronouncing it wrong for 80% of the game until I finally heard one of his friends say it when calling a medic). He’s just a big himbo who immediately rushed to enlist after hearing about the attack. He lived off the land for most of his life, and he’s not that smart. To make up for this, he’s a fucking beast on the battlefield, easily getting the most kills across the game. He did most of the work killing the final boss, and survived 3 of his attacks in a row (this’ll sound more impressive when we talk about him). He is easily my favorite unit, and he never let me down.

Jann’s the Lancer I used the most in the game, and while he still misses his shots occasionally, he makes up for it in personality (He’s also voiced by John DiMaggio so that definitely gave him an edge over the other lancers). He has a thing for muscles, and has a massive crush on Largo, even gaining attack power when he’s nearby. Unfortunately Largo never took a hint, so they never got together. He starts a kindergarten in his hometown after the war is over.

Then there’s Karl, my best Engineer. I didn’t realize just how good he was until a few missions in, but he’s the best of the Engineers in the game. Granted, that’s mostly due to the other Engineers I tried out having glaring flaws. Even then, Karl was a killer. He’s great at taking out enemies with his undodgeable shot ability, and he’s an engineer meaning he has great mobility.

Jane is my second-favorite shocktrooper, she ran a flower shop before the war, but then the Imperials attacked. Now, she’s a bloodthirsty killer who takes pleasure in getting revenge on the imps. Her sadism means she does a ton of damage. I also just looked it up, and apparently she has the highest defense of any shocktrooper. She might actually be the best unit in the game if we’re just looking at stats. She was the one who got the finishing blow on the final boss, taking him out in one turn after Hannes went down (and she was the one who said Hannes name out loud, making me realize the errors of my ways).

Finishing out the favorites is Marina, she’s just straight up the best sniper in the game. In my entire time using her, she didn’t miss once. I initially only recruited her because I realized one of my original snipers, Cezary, was a racist coward who couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. She strives when she’s alone, and I often sent her by herself to take out sniper and lancers.

Those were my favorites, but I always had backup.

Vyse and Wendy were the shocktroopers I’d deploy if I needed more shocktroopers. Wendy likes explosives, and Vyse has a cool eye patch, but I don’t really know them much beyond that. They were pretty good in battle, not the best but still good. Also I’m typing this a few hours later, I didn’t know this, but Vyse is the main character of Skies of Arcadia. I have no idea what he’s doing here or how it’s possible for them to take place in the same universe considering the state of flight technology shown in the game, but he’s here with Aikia who I never recruited.

Freesia and very rarely Melville were the backup scouts. I didn’t use them much, but there’s a few missions where Alicia’s not available and they’re dependable. Freesia’s personality is that she is a dancer and likes men. I can’t name a single character trait for Melville.

Walter and Yoko were only busted out a few times during boss stages. To be fair, they were great when I used them, I just don’t really need more than two lancers deployed at a time. Yoko got the final shot on the first major boss of the game, and Walter did a great job on one of the last stages of the game that has like 5 tanks on it. Walter has cool sunglasses so I like him more than Yoko.

Herbert and Homer were my other Engineers and they both suck. Homer is trying, but his bones are made of paper and he dies when an enemy sneezes on him. Herbert’s just a bitch who doesn’t want to be here. Sometimes he’ll just refuse to shoot or fix the tank for no real reason. Karl was pretty good at surviving, and if I had to bust these two out things were dire.

Finally there’s Cezary, Catherine, and Oscar. Cezary and Catherine were my initial two snipers, and it didn’t take long for me to realize how terrible they are. As I mentioned earlier, Cezary is a racist Coward and if he hits something, it’s by accident. Catherine stuck around for a little longer, but while Cezary could only hit shots by accident, Catherine couldn’t hit shots. She was wildly inaccurate, and she would miss even point-blank shots. Oscar was her replacement, and I ended up using him a lot near the end. I never grew to like him more than Marina though, and if I had the chance, I’d rather use her. Apparently there’s another sniper if Oscar dies in battle, but only one person died in battle and it wasn’t him.

Then there’s the rest I guess

Salinas exists… I used him in three levels and never again. I never really needed him, I already have Vyse and Wendy as backup. I only ever used him on the first level with a squad, the ruins level, and I think I used him on the penultimate boss but I don't remember.

I don’t think I used Montley or Nancy a single time, they’re both scouts who just never got deployed.

And of course the rest of Squad 7 outside of those mentioned exist, but I never recruited them.

--End of Intermission--

Back to the plot, the assault goes well. The gang is taking some time to relax when a war reporter, simply going by Ellet, tries to interview Welkin. From the distance we see Largo and Rosie look at them disapprovingly. Later, Verott meets with Welkin and Faldio to discuss the upcoming assault on the bridge. It seems like a suicide mission as they’ll have no support from the army. There are many tanks and soldiers on the bridge, but Verott says it’s a risk they’ll have to take. Suddenly, Welkin gets an idea, but before he can act on it, Alicia bursts in. Rosie and Isara are fighting and Welkin goes over to see what’s going on. This is where we find out that Rosie is racist, and she refuses to fight alongside a Darcsen. Isara reminds her recent studies show the Darcsen didn’t do a damn thing to those civilizations, but Rosie ignores her. Largo agrees with Rosie (don’t worry, he stops being racist by the next chapter), and he also refuses to fight under an inexperienced commander like Welkin. Welkin decides to make a bet with Largo. He’ll take the bridge in 48-hours, if he doesn’t, he’ll resign and Largo can lead Squad 7. Thinking Welkin’s made an impossible bet, Largo agrees. Alicia asks what the hell is going on in Welkin’s mind, and he explains that he saw some plants in the water near the bridge. These are plants that only grow in shallow water, and he believes he can drive a tank across the river. The next day, the crazy bastard actually does it. He shoots off a flare to signal the rest of the squad to cross, and they take the bridge in no time. Isara flips a lever, lowering the bridge and sinking the enemy forces. Largo gains a newfound respect for Welkin, but Rosie is still racist. Galia’s forces begin moving towards central Gallia. The Militia is tasked with taking a major supply base in the Kloden forest. Welkin’s having a great time in the thick forest, the rest of the squad is miserable. He quickly finds a new trail using animal droppings that will allow Squad 7 to flank the base. On the trail, the gang comes across a young piglet. Meanwhile, news of their defeat at the bridge has reached the commander of the imperials, Maximilian. He decides it’s best to change the general battle plan. Instead of sweeping across Gallia to take it all, he’s going on the defensive. He sends General Jaeger, a man who’s only fighting to ensure his country stays independent, to the Kloden supply base. This is also where we’re introduced to Selvaria and Gregor. Selvaria is a mysterious woman who’s on the box art, and Gregor is a nazi. His mother’s been killed by a stray bullet so the squad adopts him. Squad 7 begins the assault on the base with one group fighting head-on while a second group takes out a nearby outpost. Things are going well, until General Jaeger finally shows up. He instructs the remaining forces to move out all the supplies while he attacks Squad 7 in his tank, Lupus. He takes out many of our soldiers, but I managed to get the Edelweiss behind Lupus, shooting its weak spot. Some soldiers report that the supplies have been moved, and Jaeger retreats. Verott congratulates Welkin on the victory, but he says it was all thanks to the animals like their newest member, Hans. Later, Squad 7 and Squad 1 are sent to check out the Barious ruins. Imperials have been sighted in the area, and we need to confirm if that’s true. The ruins are the sight of an ancient city that Rosie claims was burned by the Darcsens “Dark Magic”. Before Isara can say anything, Alicia spots some Imperials through her binoculars. This battle is rough, there are a ton of tanks and not much cover. I died several times here, but finally I pushed through and won. Faldio spots some neat ruins nearby, and he investigates it with Welkin and Alicia. The temple is said to have been constructed by the Valkyrur, the supposed saviors of Europe who defeated the Darcsen menace all those centuries ago. There’s a sealed room Faldio can’t get into, but when no one is looking, Alicia accidentally opens it. Inside are writings in the ancient Valkyria language. Faldio begins translating it, when Maxamillian and Severia suddenly show up. They were just about to leave after learning the location of the powerful Valkyrur weapon, the Valkof. Alicia tries to capture Maximilian, but Severia swiftly stops her. Maximilian says he doesn’t want to shed blood in this temple, He realizes Welkin is among the group, and he congratulates him on his victory at the bridge and at the Kloden supply base. Maximilian and Severia leave, and Welkin decides this is a great opportunity to take them out. Outside, Maximilian enters his giant tank that looks like a boss from MGS: Peace Walker. The front and back cannons can vaporize anything they shoot, and there are turrets on each side. We need to take him out before he captures our base camp. Severia has gone off to engage with some troops up north, but she’ll be back soon. I sent out all of my lancers, but this fight was still tough. Eventually we find a weakness, whenever the tank shoots it has to cool off which leaves it exposed. We do some major damage to the tank’s defenses, and we manage to shut it down. Maximilian still gets away, and Severia stays to cover his escape. This is where we find out that she herself is a Valkyria, and she manages to deflect a tank shell with a shield. She ends up retreating, and we win the day despite heavy losses. Squad 7 is ordered to head back to Randgritz, and they take a path through the Kloden wildwoods. Some scouts are missing, and the gang is figuring out what to do. Suddenly, a mortar is fired, and both Welkin and Alicia are sent tumbling off a cliff. The rest of the group comes under fire and has to retreat. Alicia’s ankle is broken, so Welkin helps her navigate through the forest. There are mortars firing randomly, and patrols looking for us. This level sucked until I realized you can speed Alicia up by applying some medicine made out of flowers to her ankle. We finally get through, and stop to rest in an abandoned cabin. In the middle of the night, an injured enemy soldier enters. Welkin tries to save him, but it’s too late. They give him a proper burial, but they’re quickly surrounded by the enemy. This is the squad that soldier served in, and once they realize Welkin tried to save him, they’re touched and let the two leave without a fight. In the next battle, our squad is deafening against an enemy assault. They can’t use the tank without us, so we need to cross a canyon with no bridge. I didn’t know how to do this for an embarrassing amount of time leading to several deaths and an hour plus wasted. We eventually meet back up with the Squad, and the Edelweiss makes quick work of the enemy. Isara’s happy to see her brother safe and sound, but she’s a little shy about expressing. Rosie surprisingly nudges her into welcoming Welkin back, thus beginning her character arc. Back at the capital, Welkin, Verott, and Faldio are invited to the castle. An ambassador from the Federation has come to strike an alliance with Gallia, and prime minister Borg agrees. He is able to lead the country since the princess Cordellia is still too young (although she looks about 17-18 so that’s probably just a bullshit excuse to gain power). This decision is widely unpopular, and Faldio leaves in disgust. Welkin runs into Cordellia in the halls, and asks if she agrees with the decision since she looked displeased at the ceremony. She explains that her personal opinions do not matter, and that this is what is best for the country. Not even two minutes later, Damon runs up to us and tells us the princess has been kidnapped by the Federation’s ambassador. They want to use the princess as a bargaining piece to ensure control over Gallia once this is over. We immediately move into position to stop the armored vehicle they’re driving to the docks. This is the first mission I managed to A rank after I initially fucked up my positioning. The second time around I just moved Hannes where I knew the vehicle would be, and I shot its weak spot over and over again until it was destroyed. The ambassador and his men are arrested, and Welkin has a conversation with Cordellia. Welkin says that she’s been running from fulfilling her duties to change the country for the better. Largo yells at him for this comment, but Cordellia agrees with him, wondering if it’s time for her to reconsider her role as the princess. Her stomach suddenly growls and Alicia gives her a “cinnamon roll” (it’s very clearly just a bread roll). A few days later, Welkin is awarded several medals for the capture of the Vasel Bridge, the capture of the Kloden supply base, and for rescuing her. She also remarks that she’s added cinnamon rolls to her personal menu. Faldio congratulates Welkin, but also tells him the events of the night will not be reported so as to not damage the relationship between Gallia and the Federation. Obviously the alliance has been called off, but a war on two fronts could be bad if word got out. Faldio hates that the story’s been suppressed, but understands why. New orders have come from upstairs, and it’s time to liberate the industrial city of Fouzen. It’s currently being occupied, and Darcsen from the Imperial Alliance have been transferred into labor camps here; forced to work until they die. The city is heavily defended by an armored train, equipped with several turrets and a massive rail cannon. Our goal right now is to meet with an inside man who’s being held at a labor camp. First we need to actually sneak into those labor camps. This level is long and it took me several tries because I would always get killed by lancers. It’s not even that hard, there’s just a lot of lancers and tanks. We are eventually successful, and make our way inside the camp. Rosie is shocked by the horrible living conditions and the fact that there’s children in here. Our inside man, Zaka, details a plan to sink the armored train by blowing up the supports holding up the rails. He’ll plant a bomb once we create a diversion, and then we’ll need to send someone to set it off with a shot. The next morning, Squad 7 begins the attack. General gregor is controlling the armored train, he can move it along the rails, and the turrets on the train shred through our health bars. He also has the rail cannon which can destroy our tank in one shot which is how my first run ended, one turn away from setting off the bomb. We need to capture a camp and destroy a bridge to create a diversion for Zaka, then after that it’s just crossing a massive bridge before shooting the bomb. There’s not much cover on the bridge, and all the enemies have classed up to elites. This mission is tough, but eventually we set off the bomb. The train sinks into the ocean below with General Gregor inside, and the army moves in to secure the rest of Fouzen. Suddenly, Verott calls us on the radio, alerting us that the camp is on fire. We run back, but it’s too late. The camp’s been completely burned down, with everyone locked inside.Rosie spots a burned doll that belonged to an orphan who was being kept here, and she explodes with anger. She wants whoever did this’ head on a stake. Zaka asks what that would accomplish, and when Rosie says revenge, he explains that enough people have died already, there’s no reason to shed more blood over this. Zaka, Isara, and Rosie begin moving the rubble to try and find any survivors. A few days later, Squad 7 is hanging out in the dining hall at Randgritz, when Zaka enters the room. He announces that he’s joined Squad 7, and will be piloting the tank “Shamrock”. I barely used the Shamrock. Tanks require two CP per turn, I didn’t see a reason to eat up that much when the Edelweiss did the job fine. A few days later, new orders are in. We need to take a base that’s dug-in at the Marberry Shoreline. The area is narrow without much cover, and the enemy has gatling bunkers along the entrance. It looks like a suicide mission, but someone has to do it. The mission will also be taking place on a holiday called “The Feast of All Spirits”, a day where you give gifts to the ones you love. Isara gives Rosie and Largo some Darcsen good-luck dolls. Largo accepts, but Rosie hasn’t worked up the courage to apologize for everything yet, so she rejects it. Alicia gives Welkin a rare butterfly, and Welkin thanks her. Alicia reveals you’re supposed to give a gift to the person you like on the holiday since it means things will go well for the two of you in the future, and Welkin is shocked. I don’t think he figured out that Alicia liked him until just now. The next day, Welkin calls everyone in for a meeting. Isara was up all night working on smoke shells for the Edelweiss. If the ground troops are covered by a smokescreen, they won’t be shot. This map is long and tough, there’s a good number of tanks and gatling bunkers. We eventually manage to take the enemy camp, but tragedy struck. While I was moving in my units to take the final enemy camp, a scout snuck into our backlines and killed Marina. This was different to just going down to 0hp, the scout captured and killed her while she was down. Marina was my best sniper, she never missed a shot and she carried me far, but we were to far in and I wasn’t willing to reset. I sent in Salinas to murder the fucker, but it won’t bring her back. Oh and also Isara gets shot in the cutscene. The gang’s taking a moment to breathe, and Rosie finally apologizes to Isara. She asks what she wants for the holiday, and Isara says she’s always wanted to hear Rosie sing. Rosie agrees, but then Isara is suddenly shot by a sniper. A couple of imps are trying to retake the camp, but they’re taken out pretty quickly. Isara, now dying in Welkin’s arms, says she regrets not being able to help accomplish Welkin’s dream. Welkin is confused about what she means, and Isara reminds him he said he wanted to fly one day… Oh shit wait I forgot to mention the plane. In an earlier chapter, Isara is working on a plane, and the boys in R&D agree to help her finish it. Welkin says they’ll go flying real soon, and Isara dies with a smile on her face. We cut to the funeral, and Rosie sings at her grave to fulfill her promise. Morale is low in Squad 7, and to try and lift their spirits, Captain Verott has assigned them the liberation of Bruhl, Welkin and Alicia’s hometown. We’ve also gained a new member in Kreis from R&D who will be driving the Edelweiss from now on. Before the battle though, we cut to Faldio who has returned to the Valkyrur Temple in Barious. He’s come back to translate the text on the walls, and he’s realized a truth lost to history. The Darcsen didn’t destroy civilization, they were civilization. Then the Valkyria attacked, wiped out, and enslaved them. Once they were bored, they wrote the history books in their favor and disappeared. He also realizes the sealed door Alicia opened can only be opened by a Valkyria, meaning she is a Valyria whether she knows it or not. Back at the battle, Welkin is sad to see the sorry state the town is in, but now it’s time to take it back. This battle is pretty straightforward, just take the enemy camp at the end of a long road. There are a ton of snipers around the map, and unfortunately my best sniper just died so it’s up to Oscar and Catherine to take them out. Catherine didn’t hit shit and was taken out quickly, but Oscar managed to put in some work. I sent in Hannes and Vyse to take out a camp to the west that was constantly sending out reinforcements, and Hannes ended up being the one to take the main camp after he took the secondary camp. We ran those bastards out of Bruhl, and the town is free once more. Morale is raised a little, and Verott gives new orders, this time the Naggiar Plains. The Imperials have been gathering their forces in the area, and now’s a perfect chance to attack them. The winner of this battle will be the winner of the war. On the day of the battle, we cut to the Imperials. We learn Selvaria grew up in a research station, being constantly tested on until Maximilian got her out. When she learned Valkyria powers are only awakened in a near-death state, she was happy to stab herself in the heart. Now it’s time for the battle. The Naggiar Plain is flat and without cover so both sides have dug out trenches. General Damon is stupid and tells his soldiers to charge straight at the enemy with no further plans. Naturally, Selvaria butchers them. We have some time before she shows up in our battle, so we need to use the time we have to capture the enemy camp. There’s constant mortar fiore, and we need to make our way through the trenches in order to take them out. I sent in Alicia and Rosie on the left, and Hannes and Jane on the right. We snuck into the trenches, and killed as many imps as possible before we could make our way to the final camp. Suddenly, Selvaria shows up, and now we’re on a time limit. She can walk in and capture our camp no problem. We need to slow her down with tank shells. They hid a tank in the final camp, so I sent in Largo alongside the shocktroopers. Jane went down, but Largo took out the tank allowing us to capture the camp, and end the battle. The battle at Naggiar isn’t over yet, and keeping the camp will be difficult. It seems like we’ll have to retreat when suddenly, Alicia is shot. There aren’t any imps in the area so we’re not sure who did it. Alicia is alive, but unconscious, and the medic reveals the bullet was from an experimental Gallian sniper rifle, not available to the majority of soldiers (gee I wonder if it was Faldio). Damon still wants to charge straight at the imps despite the heavy casualties. Verott tells him he’s being stupid and should retreat, but Damon is her superior and has final say. A mysterious figure who definitely isn’t Faldio, rests a Valkyrur lance and shield on Alicia’s unconscious body. This seems to awaken something in her, and she gets up. At the front, Gallian soldiers are being massacred, there is just no way to deal with Selvaria, until Alicai makes her way forward to fight. Despite being only half-conscious, she kicks Selvaria’s ass with ease. Selvaria retreats, and Alicia wanders towards the enemy’s camp. It’s up to Squad 7 to try and help her. This battle initially starts off easy, but then once you actually capture the camp, Alicia falls unconscious and the imps ambush you in a pincer formation. My first few attempts went to shit because of this, but eventually I developed a strategy to not move the Shamrock so it could sneak behind the heavy tank to the south in order to one-shot it while I moved up the Edelweiss to destroy the tank to the north. Karl joined the Edelweiss since the Heavy tank plus the lancers did a shit ton of damage, almost destroying the Edelweiss every enemy phase. The rest of my units stayed at our camp so it couldn’t be occupied. Eventually, we destroyed the enemy forces, and won the battle. Despite heavy casualties on our side, the Imperials have been forced to retreat to Ghirlandaio. Alicia wakes up a few hours later without any memory of what happened. People have begun looking at her weirdly, and some have even been praying to her. We take a short break between chapters to follow Welkin as he figures out who shot Alicia. He discovers that Faldio had checked out the experimental rifle that night, and when Welkin enters his room he finds written proof that Faldio shot her. Welkin finds Faldio having a meeting with Verott, and once Faldio admits to it, Welkin decks him in the face. They have an argument about what victory truly means and if this war can be won without Alicia’s powers, but Verott interrupts them. She assigns Faldio 10 days of isolated imprisonment, and scolds Welkin for punching Faldio. Back to the war, with the Imperials being pushed back to Ghirlandaio the war is almost over. Ghirlandaio is a massive fortress on the border, and that rat bastard General Damon has given us another suicide mission. We need to pull some levers in order to open gates on the track leading into Ghirlandaio. Once they’re open, the army will send a bomb-strapped train to blow open the walls. We have to open these levers while being shot at by gatling guns, AT cannons, heavy tanks, and shit ton of imps. We cut to the Imperials, and Selvaria informs Maximilian of her defeat. She begs him for another chance, and he tells her the only way she can be useful is if she uses the final flame of the Valkyria, basically a suicide bomb. Back to Squad 7, Largo asks Welkin if he plans on using Alicia’s power, but Welkin refuses. He believes true victory cannot be achieved by exploiting Valyria powers. Alicia is missing, so Welkin goes out to look for her. She’s tending to some flowers, and gives one to Welkin before she asks if Faldio actually did it. Welkin confirms it, and Alicia starts asking how she can live on knowing about these powers and how people see her. But then she brushes it aside for now and says she’s ready and reporting for duty. Welkin watches her leave, clearly concerned for her. The battle starts off pretty easy, the first lever is guarded by some shocktroopers and an AT cannon, but it’s nothing we can’t deal with. The second switch comes after a minefield and is surrounded by two tanks, an AT crew, and some heavy gatling guns. My strategy here was to send the Edelweiss and Shamrock on each side to deal with the tanks, then send in Karl down the middle to clear a path in the minefield for my other units. It takes a few turns, but we manage to pull the second lever. The third lever is the toughest, there’s a wall blocking access to it, and we need to go around in order to pull it. The problem is, there’s four gatling bunkers trained on it as well as the surrounding area. I nearly lost on this part, but my strategy was to position the Shamrock to act as a shield nearby the lever, then I just ran my units through the gunfire until one of them (Jane I think) managed to make the distance and pull the lever. In hindsight, I could’ve probably just used a smoke shell from the Edelweiss, but I honestly forgot they existed until the final boss.With the gates open, the army sends the train, and the main gate is blown up. Squad 7 pushes in (not the main army I should add, they’re nowhere to be seen) and is greeted by Selvaria. She’s armed with an extremely powerful LMG, and doesn’t appear to be using her Valyria powers. This mission is rough, we need to sneak behind Selvaria in order to defeat her. If we shoot her head-on, then she dodges it. The problem is that she has infinite range with her LMG and can take down our troops extremely quickly while we’re running into position. She’s on top of the southern wall of Ghirlandaio, and there are several enemy camps positioned on top of the side walls. My strategy was to get my shocktroopers on the staircase leading to the top of the western wall, and then shove them up against the wall so Selvaria couldn’t hit them during her turn. All my other units would just get decimated if I even tried to move them. Even then, some of my shocktroopers were taken out by snipers on the eastern and southern walls. I eventually managed to get Rosie and Jane to the top of the western wall, and they captured both enemy camps. I summoned Oscar, Karl, Alicia, and some more shocktroopers so we could fight our way behind Selvaria. I also pushed a switch that activated an elevator, allowing for the Edelweiss to be transported to the top of the wall. From there it was all about inching our way to Selvaria until a combination of shots from the Edelweiss, Jane, and Alicia took her out. Alicia asks Selvaria how she deals with the weight of being a Valkyria, and she reveals it’s because she loved Maximilian. Selvaria asks Alicia why she fought as a Valkyria, and Alicia tells her it was involuntary. Suddenly, General Damon and the army finally show up, and he has one of his men knock Selvaria to the ground with the butt of his gun. Welkin is bothered by the fact he used violence when Selvaria had already surrendered, but Damon is still an asshole and tells him to watch his mouth. He then says the only way he’s comfortable being around Selvaria is when she’s unconscious due to her “evil magic”. Selvaria wakes up and begs Damon to spare the lives of her men who have been captured, and for the Militia to escort them. Damon says it’s a good idea, “rats escorting rats”. Selvaria is carried off, and Damon tells his men to send word to Randgritz that he captured Ghirlandaio. Around three hours after militia left to escort the prisoners, Selvaria begins glowing. Damon’s men start shooting, but it’s too late. Selvaria explodes in a fiery explosion. Ghirlandaio, and most of the Gallian army is gone. On the brightside, General Damon is also dead so we can consider this a victory for mankind. Squid 7 witnesses the explosion, and immediately gets word from Verott that a massive, unidentified weapon is barreling towards Randgritz. A few minutes later, the weapon is identified as the dreadnaught on wheels known as the Marmota. We’ve already got a plan to stop it, Squad 7 will have to act as bait to lure it into a minefield, then the rest of Gallia’s army will shoot it with everything they’ve got. It’s a risky plan that’s unlikely to work, but no one has any other ideas. Back at the castle, princess Cordellia has asked the royal guard to assist the soldiers, but Prime Minister Borg has other ideas. He calls off the royal guard, and announces he’s been in communication with Maximilian who will make him the ruler of Gallian vassal state. Squad 7 heads to the Marmota’s location and begins leading the Marmota. All we have to do is move our units forward so they don’t get run over, while causing some rockslides to control where the Marmota will go. There’s a minefield in the middle that isn’t the Gallian minefield, it’s a completely unrelated minefield we need to get through. This should’ve been a quick mission, but I fucked it up the first time right at the end, so I had to redo it. Once we’ve led the Marmota to the minefield… nothing happens. The mines go off, the army starts shooting, but the Marmota is just too damn strong. Alicia decides she needs to use her powers in order to stop it. She throws the Valkyrian lance through the Marmota, and then begins activating her final flame. Maximilian knows how destructive the flame is, so he starts commanding his crew to get the Marmota away from Alicia. She’s just about to explode when Welkin stops her. The Marmota gets away, and Alicia tells Welkin to leave. Her death could save the whole country. Welkin tells her she’s wrong, that destroying them with her power is not real victory. Alicia starts crying, saying she’s not human like he is, and Welkin tells her that doesn’t matter; she’s still Alicia. He tells her he won’t let her come to harm, and that he loves her. He ties the flower she gave him earlier into a ring, and asks if she’ll marry him once this is all over. She accepts, and they’re about to kiss before Largo cockblocks them, reminding them that the Marmota is still on its way towards the capital. Verott asks Welkin what his orders are, and he tells everyone to get moving towards the capital. Later, a short distance from the Vasal Bridge, the militia is stopped by General Jaeger and his army of tanks. This is one of the hardest maps in the game. Jaeger’s tank, Lupus, has a thick armor we need to break through, but he heals every turn thanks to the four camps on the map. We need to take all four camps, and then blast him with everything we’ve got. That is much easier said than done, there’s several tanks, a few AT Cannons, a bunch of Lancers, a couple snipers, and a shit ton of shocktroopers in our way. This map took me several tries to get through, I ended up getting through it by just protecting the Edelweiss at all costs. Eventually I captured all the camps, and took the Lupus out. Squad 7 advances to Randgritz, and so does most of Jaeger’s battalion once we leave. Jaeger stands, looking at the destroyed Lupus. He used to think a country’s military might was it’s worth, but he just got defeated by the Gallian Militia, and now he’s not so sure. He has decided working with the Imperials isn’t going to bring independence to his home country. He walks off into the distance, never to be seen again besides a non-canon DLC in VC3. Back to Squad 7, Verott has some terrible news. They’re too late, the Marmota has broken through Randgritz’s walls, and has rammed itself into the castle. We cut to the castle where Maximilian has left the Marmota to meet with princess Cordellia. He apologizes for ramming into the castle, and thanks her for meeting with him. Borg attempts to kiss Maximilian’s ass so he can be in better standing, but Maximilian tells him he’s dumb. Obviously the Imperials were not going to honor that deal, and Gallia will be fully annexed. Then, he reveals that he knows the Valkof, the powerful Valkyria lance that was mentioned in Barious, is located within the castle walls. Literally, the lance is inside the wall. He then tells Cordellia that she will be his bride, and together they will conquer Europe. He believes the Valkyrian blood that runs through her veins will strengthen the Valkof. Cordellia reveals the truth about the Gallian royal bloodline and takes off her hood, revealing that she is in fact a Darcsen. Back when the Valkyria were conquering Europe, the future Gallian Royals sold out many other Darcsen, and were rewarded handsomely. She regrets having to face her people as deceptively as she has, and she hid behind the Valkyrian bloodline as an excuse until Welkin made her rethink that. Maximilian still wants Cordellia as his bride, but she rejects, attempting to stab Maximilian with a dagger she had hidden away. Maximilian is stronger however, and takes the dagger from her hand. He threatens to burn down Gallia if she does not obey him. We cut to Faldio who finds out about the situation at the castle. He translated the writing in the ruins so he knows where the Valkof is. He fakes an injury, and knocks out the guard who comes to help him so he can escape and enact his plan. Back to Squad 7, we come up with a plan to blow open the spot on the Marmota Alicia threw the lance at. Once it’s blown open we can gain access to destroy the engine. Verott is worried about troop morale, but Squad 7 is ready for anything at this point. Faldio has snuck onto the Marmota at this point, and overhears that the Valkof will be affixed to the tank shortly. He affirms that he won’t let them have it. Back at the castle, Maximilian is forcing Cordellia to sign a treaty that will end the war in the Empire’s favor. Suddenly, a guard rushes in informing him of Jaeger’s defeat. Maximilian is sick of Squad 7 at this point, so he drops what he’s doing and man’s the Marmota. Borg wishes him luck and says he’ll take care of the castle’s defenses, but Maximilian recognizes him as an untrustworthy asshole. He sends Borg to be executed by firing squad, and leaves the castle. The Marmota backs up, and the Valkof is attached to the tank as the castle wall crumbles around it. It’s massive, and can vaporize anything it shoots. Maximilian demonstrates its power by destroying squads 4 and 5 from a large distance. Squad 7 moves to the side of the Marmota, and the battle begins. This one is also rough, but purely because I was being an idiot and forgot to save throughout the battle. Truth be told, it’s not that bad if you remember to save. There are several squads of enemies as well as gatling turrets on the side of the Marmota. Reinforcements come every turn, and we need to get our men on top of the Marmota to do damage to the Valkof. The first few turns here are the hardest as you deal with a shit ton of lancers coming at you. My strategy was to use Oscar to wipe out the sniper and lancer that were on the bottom left of the map, then I used Largo with ammo support from Karl to take out the turrets. After that I got Vyce on top to take out the Valkof’s shields. Then Largo and Herbert began the tedious grind that is destroying the Valkof. My lancers were very underleveled at this point so this was a pain. Eventually, we do enough damage to destroy the mighty weapon that conquered Europe so long ago. The rest of Squad 7 makes its way to the top, and Maximilian reveals himself. Several towers rise as he reveals the Empire’s greatest mounds have created an artificial Valkyrur shield and spear. Alicia asks why he’s doing this, and he reveals he’s the Emperor's bastard son. The Emperor’s other sons bombed a train he and his mother were on when he was a child. He swore that he would get his revenge, and take the Empire for himself. The tower’s power up, and beam electricity into him, turning Maximilian into an artificial Valkyria. It’s time to fight the final boss, and let me tell you, he’s a massive pain in the ass. I genuinely almost quit the game after fighting him for an hour and doing nothing. To even damage him, you must destroy three towers that are powering him. These can range from being easy like the ones right next to your camp and the one in the far back that can be sniped, to stupid CP wasters like the mid-range and armored ones. The issue was just that my lancers kept missing their target, so I’d always waste CP firing on them and then switching to Karl to resupply ammo. Once the towers are down you need to get a shock trooper in-range to deal damage by headshotting him. Only issue is that he does massive damage while firing on you, whether that be from you just getting into position, or from counters. The worst part of all is that he heals a lot of his health back after his turn. I stopped playing for a few days because I was so frustrated by this, and I looked up what some people had done online. Apparently the smoke shells from the Edelweiss actually work on Maximilian, and he can’t do anything against units inside the screen. On top of that, I also figured out how to do orders… yes this entire game I had no idea how to issue orders and I never bothered to look it up. I could’ve definitely saved a few hours if I knew how to issue them. I hopped back in, leveled up my Shocktroppers and Lancers, and started the fight. I decided I wasn’t going to risk bad RNG, so I savescummed every turn to get lucky with what towers were active. I managed to get him into his second-phase where he starts using stronger attacks on the first turn. Then I used a combination of smoke and Hannes to deal damage. Unfortunately, Maximilian gains an attack in phase 2 that allows him to clear smokescreens so Hannes went down after 2 more turns, but then I moved Jane in. I issued an attack boost order and an order that prevents counter-attacks, and then I just wailed on him. Jane dealed massive damage thanks to her abilities, and she finished what Hannes started. Maximilian was finally defeated! Realizing he can’t win, Maximilian activates his final flame. There’s no way Squad 7 can gain the distance to survive, so it looks like this is it. Suddenly, the towers shut down, and Faldio reveals himself. He turned off their power, and puts Maximilian in a headlock. Maximilian will still explode without the towers, it just won’t be as powerful. Faldio apologizes for shooting Alicia, and then jumps into the Marmota with Maximilian in-hand. The explosion destroys the Marmota’s inside, and fire is beginning to spread up top. Welkin and Alicia are separated from the rest of the squad, and Welkin orders them to retreat. In what looks to be their final moments, Welkin and Alicia reminisce about the past, when suddenly, Leon from R&D shows up on Isara’s plane. He picks them up, and they fly back to Randgritz. With Maximilian dead, the war in Gallia is finally over. We cut to a where are they now sequence. Verott and Largo got married, Rosie became a famous singer, Zaka opened a toy company, Kreis got his master’s degree, Leon became a racer, Cordellia revealed the truth to Gallia, and finally, Welkin and Alicia got married. Welkin became a teacher like he always wanted, Alicia opened a bakery, and they have a daughter named after Isara.The camera pans to an old photo of Squad 7 as the game comes to an end.
I really like this game’s story. It did a good job getting me invested in the world and its characters. My only real complaint is that sometimes Squad 7 feels like it’s just Welin, Alicia, Rosie, and Largo since none of the other playable soldiers appear in cutscenes. I just think it’s a little weird none of them show up, and it makes the team feel a lot smaller. I get it would be a challenge because you can swap out any member of your team during the game, but it would’ve been nice to see. Fire Emblem Three Houses has a similarly large cast, but they still show up, even if it’s just to say a line or two.

I had a lot of fun with the gameplay, except for a few chapters. For some reason from chapter 8 until I think Chapter 12, the enemy’s bullets apply status effects. This isn’t the worst for scouts and snipers how apply defense and accuracy debuffs, but Shocktroopers apply attack debuffs that just fuck up any plan you might’ve had because you now deal basically nothing unless it’s a headshot. Thankfully they eventually stop doing this, but I’m wondering why the hell the devs decided it was a good idea in the first place. I get you can also use status effect guns, but that doesn’t make fighting them any more fun. I also hate just how fucking innacurate lancers are, 3/5 shots just miss by a mile. If you get your lancers to a higher level then maybe it’s not so bad, but they were at level 14 and still missing this much. Also, whenever some dialogue needs to appear during a battle, there’s like an 8-second delay where nothing happens until whoever needs to talk talks. It’s so weird, why is this a thing? It just wastes everyone’s time, especially on a hard level when you keep restarting since it starts you before all the pre-battle dialogue.

This game was good, but the little things like I mentioned hold it back. I’m interested in this series though, and since VC 4 takes place during this game I’ll probably check that one out. 8.8/10

Today on Finnedorb…



While True: Learn () (PC-Epic): 4:17

Story: There’s not much to discuss here. A man is having trouble with his code, and his cat fixes it while he’s not looking. This makes the man realize the cat has something to say, but can’t say it because he’s a cat. Thus starts a long journey to create a cat-english translator using machine learning. He eventually accomplishes his goal, and his machine becomes a world-wide success, allowing humans and cats to live as equals.

The game consists of different puzzles, solved through getting a certain amount of data to an endpoint while filtering out all the unnecessary shit. This can range from something simple like having a program scan for names in a database, to sorting data to make a vaccine for the virus that is slowly killing the entire world (Some crazy shit is happening while we’re coding). The puzzles aren’t that hard, except for when they are, there is no in-between. You get different endings each chapter depending on how well you did on the puzzles, and I managed to get the gold on all of them.

I’ll be honest, there’s not much to say here. The game’s not very deep story-wise, and the gameplay is pretty simple. 7/10

Actually, there is something about this game that bugs me and it doesn't have much to do with the game itself. Basically, while the box art has standard capitalization, the actual title is while True: learn() and for some reason that makes it last alphabetically on the stats page on this site. It's fine when looking at it in the backlog or completions sections, but when it's listed on your stats for the year it is last. It's not a big deal, but it bugs me.

Today on Finnedorb…



XIII (Xbox): 10:32

Story: The president has been assassinated, and the FBI is working hard to find the killer. Unfortunately, progress is slow, and General Carrington goes on his own investigation. We cut to a beach, there’s a lifeguard on duty and she spots an unconscious, bleeding man that has just washed up. She helps him get to his feet, but he can’t remember anything. For now, we know this man as XIII. A helicopter passes by overhead, and XIII remembers the moments before he got here. He was on a yacht before a woman in his ear told him to jump overboard. Before he can, he’s shot several times by a man in a trench coat. XIII passes out, and the lifeguard carries him to a first-aid station. When XIII wakes up, the lifeguard gives us a key that was in our pocket for a box in the Winslow Bank. Suddenly, we hear the cocking of a gun. The lifeguard investigates, and is riddled with bullets. We’ve gotta get out of here! It’s a mad-dash out of the station and across the pier. From the helicopter, we hear a man yell “You can’t run forever, Number XIII!”. We finally make it to a pick-up truck and get the hell out of dodge. XIII seems to know the way to Winslow Bank, so after stashing our gun in the glove box, we enter inside. A teller refers to us as “Mr. Rowland”, and leads us to the vault. We open our deposit box, and surprise! There’s a bomb. Rowland suddenly remembers an earlier time in this vault. There’s a lady who seems excited about getting her hands on some important documents. She seems to be working with us and says “We’ll Incriminate them all! From Number XX to Number I!” She then asks about what we’re going to do on the boat, and she says she doesn’t trust the lady who gave us the mission. She puts the documents in the deposit box, we set the bomb, and then we come back to the present. Son of a bitch we’re caught in our own trap. It didn’t even work, the documents are missing! We run to cover, and the bomb blows a hole in the wall. The teller asks if everything’s okay, and we sprint through the hole. We need to get out of the bank without killing any innocent people. Things start off pretty smoothly just sneaking around, but eventually we see the guy running the bank talking about us. He’s reporting to someone that we’re alive, and to inform “The Mongoose”. Pretty soon, the guys from the pier infiltrate the bank and start killing indiscriminately. We run through the hail of bullets, and down a fire escape where we’re cornered by the FBI. A man we later learn is named Colonel Amos, tells us we’re under arrest for the assassination of the president. We explain our amnesiac condition, but that’s not going to help us much. After we’re processed, Amos handcuffs us to a desk, and shows us the evidence. There was video footage of the assassination, and a quick zoom-in shows us firing the shot. He demands a confession, when his intercom beeps. He asks the man on the other side if he’s located our file, but as it turns out, our file says we were killed 2 years ago in Mexico. Amos remarks that our widow is in for a surprise before an explosion rocks the building. Amos and the agents leave the room to investigate, and the woman from the bank flashback shoots our handcuffs from a nearby vent. She tells us the Mongoose’s men have found us, and that we need to meet her on the roof . We get out of the room and make our way through the building amongst a three-way shootout between us, the FBI, and the Mongoose’s men before finally meeting with the woman on the roof. She’s saddened to see we don’t remember her, and she introduces herself as Agent Jones, First Officer for General Carrington. Carrington’s been missing for three months, and he’s the only man who knows the truth about the president’s assassination. She gives us a grappling hook, and we make our way across several buildings. The Mongoose’s men are everywhere, but we kill enough of them to get away in a helicopter. We jump ahead a bit, and now we’re infiltrating Emerald Fort where Carrington is being held. Unfortunately, some mercs, the SPADS, have arrived at the same time. They’re killing all the GIs and are taking the base over. They don’t know we’re here, so we have the advantage of stealth. We make our way into the base and start eavesdropping on a conversation between a general and a colonel. The general scolds the colonel for slaughtering all the GIs at the base when he only asked for them to be neutralized. The colonel asks what to do about Carrington, and the General tells him he wants to interrogate him for the names of his agents. They leave, and we start making our way to Carrington’s cell. Before we enter, we have another flashback, this time to when we were recruited. Carrington approaches us late at night telling us we have no future at SPADS. He has a “Class A Hero Mission” for us. Once we’re inside, we pick the lock and release Carrington. He’s happy to see us alive, and we give him a radio. Jones informs him about our amnesia but before he can be sad, he spots his cigars on a table. He helps us get the drop on the enemy, and we run out of the base. We take a cable car down the mountain, and he laments the fact that we have amnesia. Apparently we were close to finding out the identity of Number I. He tells us that president Sheridan was killed by a conspiracy of 20 men. Captain Steve Rowland was Number XIII, but he was betrayed and killed by the Mongoose. We ask who we are if not Steve Rowland, but before he can answer the Cable car is hit by an RPG. We manage to safely get down with the grappling hook, but we’re being chased by all of SPADS. Jones has managed to touch down nearby, but she and the helicopter are being attacked. We rush over there and give her some fire support, but the chopper is damaged. Carrington and Jones work on it while we use a nearby turret to fend off the enemy. They manage to fix it, and we retreat. We get far enough away to land, and we ask Carrington again who we are. Before he can answer, a woman radios in asking for help. It’s another of Carrington’s agents, Kim. She’s being pursued by the Mongoose’s men, and she’s holed up in a cabin not far from where we are. Carrington tells her to sit tight, and he drops us off nearby. There’s a lot of enemies, but we make it to the cabin and meet Kim. She’s amazed to see us alive, and we have another flashback. We’re in the cabin, and Kim tells us the surgeon did an outstanding job. We flashback even further to the operating table with Carrington and Kim at our side. Carrington tells us Kim is the widow of Steve Rowland, and that we’ve taken his identity. Kim reveals she was Number XVII, and Steve managed to drag himself to the cabin after he was betrayed. Kim and Carrington both want revenge on the conspiracy, and when they see Steve again, they suspect the conspiracy will slip up. We flashforward to the present, and Kim fills us in that several members of the conspiracy will be meeting at the SPADS camp. Just then, the Mongoose’s men catch up and start firing on the cabin. Kim leaves through the back, but a missed RPG shot blocks the exit before we can leave too. All we can do is just stay in the cabin and kill every one of the Mongoose’s bastards. It’s not easy, but we manage to fight them off, but as we leave, an avalanche falls on us and knocks us out. We’re found by the Mongoose, and he takes this opportunity to send us to an asylum for questioning with a side of torture. We’re escorted to the showers for examination since the Mongoose is starting to doubt that we’re actually Rowland. Two guards join us and it becomes clear they want to either beat us senseless or rape us. We smash bottles on their heads, and sneak out through the vents. Eventually the guards realized what’s going on, and we have to shoot our way through the courtyard, and into the med ward. We can’t kill any medical staff, and eventually we sneak into Dr. Johannes' office. He’s torturing and killing a patient since he thinks the patient killed a nurse in one of the wards. He’s also locked a different nurse in with a patient. The nurse begs for help, but Johannes won’t let her out. We drop in from the vents, and the game’s first boss fight begins. Johannes throws gas at you that distorts your vision and slows you down, and he throws knives at you. He’s pretty easy though, and we gun him down with our .44. We’re about to free the nurse, but we have a flashback. We’re in a mysterious place with the members of the conspiracy, they are dressed in white hoods and robes. The one at the head of the table, who we later learn is a senator named Willard, just welcomes the members to his estate. We come back to the present and free the nurse. She thanks us and lets us take her hostage so we can escape. We steal an ambulance, and crash into the Grand Canyon… except it definitely isn’t. It’s nowhere near deep enough and the Colorado River is missing. I don’t know why they make this random canyon the grand one, but they do. The nurse wishes us luck, and we make our way to a jet Jones stashed. Once we get to the jet, we meet up with Jones, and she flies us to the SPADS camp so we can listen in on the secret meeting. We sneak through the sewers and use our grappling hook to get close to the camp. We eavesdrop on a conversation between Colonel McCall, General Standwell, and Senator Willard. They’re talking about how the Mongoose will probably kill us soon enough, and that we can’t possibly disrupt their plans at this point. Once the conversation is over, we sneak through a vent into a changing room in the camp where we finally figure out who we are. Two soldiers are trying to remember the name of Rowland’s rival during his time in SPADS, and one of them remembers the name Jason Fly. We have a flashback to Rowland talking about how he’s about to go on leave so we better not make him look bad. This confirms that we are Jason Fly. We have no time to think about this revelation since the meeting won’t stop for us. We carefully kill all the guards around the tent where the meeting will take place, and we bug Colonel McCall’s desk. The trio enter the tent and begin the meeting by calling Number I. We learn the president has greenlit a simulated state of war that the SPADS will be involved in. There’s a shipment of weapons headed for the participating SPADS that are currently being kept here in this camp. We also learn Rowland’s file has been stolen from the Pentagon as to slow down the FBI’s investigation. Number I also mentions having something to lure in Number XVII, but I don’t believe that’s ever followed up on and was likely going to be a plot point in the sequel that never happened. The meeting is adjourned, and the trio leave. We sneak back into the tent, and lucky for us McCall left Rowland’s file on his desk. We grab it, and then blow up the weapons shipment. This obviously attracts some attention, and now it’s a mad-dash out of the base and onto a submarine that’s ready to go. Before we get on the submarine, we have a showdown with McCall, and kill the bastard. On the submarine, we find a radio to inform Jones about the submarine’s destination, but we have another flashback before we can use it. We’re back on the yacht during our last mission, and Kim is helping us identify Number I. She gives him a call, and we watch as a man enters to pick up the phone. Unfortunately, Fly can’t remember the man’s face so Number I’s identity is still a mystery. We’re back on the sub now and we inform Jones that the submarine will be heading to a dock in Maryland. After that, we stowaway behind a curtain in the captain’s quarters. After a few hours, the crew somehow figures out we’re onboard so now we need to gun our way to the torpedo airlock so we can escape. Once we get there, we come face to face with the captain who we learn is Number VII. He’s not even close to having the firepower to deal with us so he goes down quickly. We escape the sub, and arrive at the dock. Jones tells us we need to sabotage the sub to sink its shipment. We place a bomb on its turbine, and leave through some floodgates we opened. Jones told us Carrington would meet us at hangar 33. It’s crawling with enemies, and a helicopter begins shooting at us. We take it down with some rockets, but when we get to hangar 33, the FBI is waiting for us. Carrington is with Amos, and he tells him about everything. We’re brought to headquarters again, and we’re officially cleared when our fingerprints are tested against the ones in Steve’s file. Carrington announces that it’s time for us to work together. The next mission takes place at a hotel where Senator Willard, Winslow (the guy who owns the bank from the second level), and the Mongoose are going to be meeting. Our mission is to use a directional mic to listen in on their conversation. We learn that Winslow is Number IX, and that he’s gotten several corporations and media groups on the conspiracy’s side. They promise to support them during the coup. He has a list of supporters, and he’s planning on giving it to Number III tonight at a place called Sanctuary. Willard, who we learn is Number V, tells Winslow that the SPADS are in position to take control of every strategic point in the country. By tomorrow evening, the country will be theirs, and the president doesn’t suspect a thing. After saying this, we’re spotted by Willard, and now we need to shut off the power to the elevators before they can escape. Luckily the breaker’s not too far from our room, and now they have nowhere to run. We climb up an elevator shaft to get on the floor above the room Willard is holed up in, and we break through the glass floor (you know, that thing every hotel has). We fill him full of holes and get the list. We leave the room, and Willard starts shooting FBI officers. We chase him through the hotel, and take him down. On the list of supporters, the address of sanctuary is revealed. It was Willard’s estate this whole time. We infiltrate through the garden, and find the secret entrance in what looks to be a church. We enter a massive hall, and sneak our way to another secret entrance that brings us into a crypt. We finally get close enough to eavesdrop on the meeting. They talk about how the elites will soon rule America, and that all the parasites will be purged. Then they discuss tomorrow’s plans. During the simulated warfare experiment, when Number III gives the signal the SPADS will impose martial law on the whole country (that’s not how that works but alright), and then the remaining 14 conspiracy leaders will simply waltz into the White House, and take over the country. Once we have the information, we grapple into the room, and start killing these fuckers. We take out several conspiracy members and their bodyguards before getting out of there. We meet with Senator Sheridan, former president Sheridan’s brother, and he gives us the location of the control center where the simulation will be taking place. We come up with a plan to sneak in. Sheridan will enter to have a meeting with the president, bringing us along. He’ll have two of his staff members asking about the budget so he has an excuse to be there. Then, we’ll find General Standwell, who we know is Number III from the SPADS camp meeting and arrest him. The signal never goes out, and the conspiracy is stopped. At the beginning of this cutscene, Amos shows us a board of conspiracy members revealing that Numbers I-III are all that remain (the Mongoose isn’t technically a member of the conspiracy so he doesn’t count). Once we get to the control center, things immediately go wrong as we’re not allowed to join Sheridan’s meeting. In hindsight, this is because the man who comes out to greet Sheridan is Number II, but in the moment he waves it off as not wanting to stress out the staff. We sneak in anyway, and silently knock out every GI we come across. Eventually we overhear a conversation the president is having with his advisor, Calvin Wax. Wax informs him that the SPADS will be protecting him during this operation instead of his usual bodyguards. The president isn’t happy about it, but he says it’s fine. I should also note there’s a random typo here that confused me while I was writing this. The president says the SPADS are the dregs of society recruited by McCall, except the speech bubble spells it MacCall instead which is weird. This is also how it’s spelled on the IMDB page, but the rest of the game spells it as McCall so I’m saying that's the correct spelling. They leave, and we keep sneaking through the base. Unfortunately, we were sneaking a little too slowly. Standwell gives the signal, and the president’s new bodyguards take him hostage. We’re not too far away, so we start blasting. Eventually Standwell comes out to fight us, and he’s pretty damn tough. There’s very little cover in the room, so I died a few times. Eventually, we take him out, and meet with the president. He tells us to call off all operations, and then he passes out. We carry him through encounters with several enemies, before dropping him off with some GIs. We help the GIs fight the SPADS, and they inform us that the SPADS not here are waiting for a signal to attack from Calvin Wax. This leads Carrington to believe that Wax is Number I. I already spoiled it I guess, but he’s not. We find that out when he kills himself after we take out the SPADS protecting him. Unfortunately, it’s through a popup only the player can see so everyone else has no idea. Wax began a missile launch that will blow up the entire control center since the silo doors are closed. Luckily these missiles are extremely slow and need 5 minutes to launch. Sheridan and his staff were captured, but we free them. Sheridan gives us the code to the silo, and we successfully abort the launch. Now, the silo is quiet. We climb down a ladder, and out comes the Mongoose. He doesn’t give a damn if the coup was a failure, he just wants us dead. This fucking boss fight was so goddamn hard, but what frustrated me the most was the fact I knew it would be easy on mouse and keyboard. Basically he just hides behind a missile like a coward, and pops out occasionally to shred your health bar to pieces. The nearest checkpoint is just after you stopped the launch, so you have to climb that ladder every time. There’s also extra supplies in some nearby rooms so you’ll want to grab those every time as well. I wish saving would move your checkpoint, but it doesn’t and you’ll have to do this every time. This boss fight was hard purely because I was playing on Xbox. It’s hard to track him with a controller, even on max sensitivity. But I know damn well that if I was playing the PC version I could kick his ass in 10-minutes. In his second phase is honestly a lot easier, he just goes around the silo and makes passes at you, but he gets much closer than the first phase and it’s easier to hit him. Finally, in his third phase he stops being a coward, and faces you head-on. This was a stupid mistake however, and I pumped him full of lead. This fucking fight took me more than an hour, it was so fucking frustrating. Finally, with the day saved we leave the control center. Fly’s living in a nice apartment, but his past is still mostly a mystery to him. Carrington didn’t ask for a resume when he hired Fly, he just knew the guy was skilled so he has no information. He suggests talking to Jones that night at the celebration, and he agrees. Fly shows up at a yacht owned by Sheridan. The party is loud, and we have a nice conversation with Jones and Carrington. Eventually some fireworks go off, and Carrington sends us to find Sheridan who is for some reason not at the deck. We follow Sheridan as he goes through a door, and we enter a familiar hallway. Along the hallway we enter a familiar office with a familiar phone inside. It suddenly dawns on Fly, Sheridan was Number I all along. Sheridan enters the office with his men, cornering Fly. The game ends on a cliffhanger to be picked up during the sequel that never happened.

It’s a shame this game ends on a cliffhanger. It’s been 20 years and a sequel is unlikely, especially after the terrible remake of this game came out. The story was great, and I called Sheridan being Number I from the moment I saw him. The game also had great voice acting, especially from Adam West as Carrington. The visuals are what everyone remembers about this game, and they look great. The comic book art style enhances both the story, and the gameplay. Without the comic book style however, this plays like a pretty generic shooter from the 6th generation. The gunplay isn’t great and being able to aim-down sights would have been nice. There were also way too many stealth missions near the end. They made sense in context, but they weren't all that fun.

The art style and story are great, but the gameplay is nothing special and the final boss sucks. 7/10

Today on Finnedorb…



Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Layer (PC-Epic): 2:38

Yeah I retired this

The only 2-D platformers I really like are the Super Mario Maker games, Super Mario Bros. 2, and Shovel Knight. Yooka-Laylee 2 (as I’m calling it from now on) is not joining the list. I played 2 ½ hours and just couldn’t get into it. At least New Super Luigi U was only 3 hours long; the estimate for this game is around 12 hours. I actually did really like the Impossible Lair itself, but from playing it I could tell I would need around 30 bees to actually beat it. I was getting really bored at 10 bees, and I don’t think I have the patience for another 20. When I realized I’d only been playing for 2 hours when it felt like I’d been playing for 6, I knew I just couldn’t beat it. It’s a shame to retire a game this late into the challenge, but I just can’t force myself through this.

Well it's been a long time. This challenge has taken half the year, and we're at the end. I only own one game that starts with Z, but I already used the "Game in every tier" joke with Quake II and that's only funny once a challenge so I'm skipping the tierlist.



This is a collection of both Zone of the Enders games, neither of which I know anything about. I just know they're made by Hideo Kojima. This was actually going to be a game called Z that I picked up during the Winter Sale, but then I found this at my local game store. I decided I'd rather play this than Z so I refunded it. Maybe next year, there aren't many games that start with Z after all.

(Z post 1 of 2)
Today on Finnedorb…



Zone of the Enders HD (PS3): 4:09

Story: In the far future of 2172, a colony near Jupiter is being attacked. A child named Leo is running from the chaos. He finds cover and begins crying. We fl;ashback to just before the attack, he and his friends are tied up for sneaking around. Everyone immediately blames Leo, so the lady unties him and asks him what he wants to do. He can either knock her out and save his friends, or run like a little bitch. Then the attack begins, and a battle between two Orbital Frames ensues. Orbital Frames are just mechs, some require pilots, others don’t. The attacker, Viola, wins and the defeated frame falls onto Leo’s friends as he runs away like a little bitch. We come back to the present, and a Frame is shooting at him has caught up with him. Another Frame comes to his rescue and he runs away. As he runs past several corpses, he stumbles into some kind of garage for a special frame. A sudden explosion blasts Leo into the pilot’s seat, and he accidentally destroys his attacker with the frame. The frame’s on-board AI, ADA, has detected Leo is not supposed to be controlling it, but in the chaos there is nothing she can do but work with him. She teaches Leo how to control this special frame called a Jehuty, and they destroy several enemy frames. I should point out now that none of the regular enemies have pilots, I didn’t realize this at the time so I was very confused for a conversation that happens later. Viola shows up again, and she begins fighting us before the leader of the attackers (I’d love to give them a name but I don’t think the game does) intervenes. The goal of the attack is to secure both of the Jehuties on the colony, and he doesn’t want Viola to fight one yet. The two leave, and ADA tells Leo that everyone in the area is dead. He begins crying, but we receive a communication from a cargo ship called the Atlantis. They were supposed to receive the Jehuty, but clearly their guy didn’t make it. We need to deliver the frame to the Atlantis so they can deliver it to Mars for military operations. Leo doesn’t want to do this because he thinks he’ll have to kill people and he doesn’t want to. This sounds reasonable, but the voice acting is horrible and the dialogue is stilted which makes him sound very annoying and like a whiny little bitch. He ends up agreeing, being assured he won’t have to kill anyone, and he flies into the air. From the skies, Leo sees that his home town is being attacked, so he flies down to make sure his father is okay. His house-apartment block thing has been completely destroyed, but ADA assures him it’s likely everyone was evacuated. There is one civilian left, Leo’s friend Celvice who is running to the church. Leo flies over, and talks to Celvice. She tells him she’s going to the church to check if the children are in danger. Leo tells her she’s being stupid and to not risk it. They argue for a bit before Leo is grazed by an enemy. Celvice goes to the church anyway, and Leo fights the enemy. This is the first boss in the game, and it’s pretty easy if you remember to use your guard. We fly around and shoot him a bunch, and he goes down easily. ADA wants to finish him off, but LEO refuses since he can’t fight anymore. The guy takes off in an escape pod, and ADA says Leo’s decision is illogical. There weren’t any children at the church, and we pick up Celvice. She’ll be with us for most of the game, but she doesn’t talk much. We jump back into the sky and see a giant energy field in our way. ADA doesn’t know what it is, so we’re going to a nearby factory to download some data. While in the sky, we hear a news headline that several civilians are trapped in a burning hospital. Celvice wants us to rescue them, but ADA wants us to go straight to the factory. We ignore ADA and rescue the civilians. Then we head to the factory and kill a frame that has a passcode for the server which is how we’ll unlock the servers from now on. It turns out that the field is basically a large microwave created by two antennas. They kill all organic life in the field, and we need to take out the power supply. We head to the generator, but we can’t attack it since the field blocks all energy weapons. Now we need to backtrack to find a ballistic weapon. This is one of the most annoying parts of the game, there are times when you need to backtrack, but the game won’t tell you where. Eventually we try all options and find that these things called porters have been added to the town with the burning hospital. When Porters are destroyed, they reveal a hidden object. In this case it’s a sniper rifle, and we head back to the generator, finally destroying it. Unfortunately, the two antennas have an emergency supply so we need to take care of them. The first one is easy, just fly into the maintenance tunnel and destroy the generator. There’s a server in here as well, but we don’t have the passcodes. The second antenna is harder, the field blocks off access to the tunnel so we need to backtrack yet again. When we leave what little of the tunnel we entered, a new squad arrives and they have the first passcode, but the second passcode is still missing. I visited every area until finally a new squad showed up with the passcode. The fight’s annoying since they’re the tanky laser enemies, but we take them out and grab the passcode. The passcodes unlock a module that will let us remotely control a raptor frame, but we need to find a deactivated, undamaged one. I just looked up where it was at this point because the backtracking was really annoying, and once we grab it, we can just fly it right through the energy field. We download an anti-stealth module while we’re there, and then destroy the generator. With the field now down we can fly towards the Atlantis. Suddenly, we’re shot out of the sky by the next boss. ADA is acting very strange, and we fly off before the boss can destroy us. It turns out ADA has a virus, but luckily she told us where her AI was created just before we were shot, isn’t that convenient? We access a server and download a vaccine. ADA is back to normal, but we can’t defeat the boss right now. There’s another server nearby with two passcodes, so you’ll never guess what we have to do next. That’s right, more backtracking! We get the passcode from another squad, but the next passcode is being held by an invisible enemy. We need to retrieve the anti-stealth module from the raptor bot we controlled earlier. We do. Then we get the passcode. The server gives us a decoy that will throw off any homing attacks. Equipped with the new module, we fight the boss. The first phase is easy (as long as you remember to actually equip the decoy), and the second-phase is a little harder. We take him down, he escapes, and ADA knows we won’t try to kill him so she doesn’t ask. All the raptor bots shut down (except no they don’t, I don’t know why they brought this up if they don’t actually get deactivated), and we fly to the skies once again. The members of the Atlantis call us once again, but Leo is being a whiny little bitch again and doesn’t want to complete the mission. Leo says they don’t care about those who die including the guy who was supposed to pilot the Jehuty. The guy, Thunderhart, tells him to shut up since the pilot was his best friend and the other member, Elena’s, boyfriend. Thunderhart tells him to meet him at a warehouse under a dam, and Leo agrees. We get to the warehouse after a few small fights, and we’re ambushed by Viola. She traps us in an attack, and we can’t move. ADA tells us to use the escape pod while she self-destructs, but Leo refuses to leave her behind. Then Leo inexplicably gets out of the attack, and the fight begins again. This is the hardest boss in the game and it’s not close. Viola has a dangerous melee attack, but unlike the other bosses you can also use your melee in a high-risk high-reward attack. This isn’t worth it in my opinion, so I just used ranged attacks and beat her in 5 or 6 tries. We refuse to kill Viola, even after she killed our friends, and we leave to meet with Thunderhart. He wants our help once again, the leader guy has planted bombs that will throw the colony into Jupiter. Thunderhart wants us to disarm the bombs but Leo is, once again, a whiny little bitch and refuses to help. Celvice convinces him to do it, but then she’s shot by Viola. She tells Leo to fight her again while he’s defusing the bombs, and she leaves using a raptor. Celvice is wounded, but she’ll live. Thunderhart takes her to get medical help, and we leave to disarm the bombs. On the way up, we get Leo's backstory. He was neglected as a child, and when his parents had to separated due to his dad's military career, they argued over who should get him. Except, they were arguing for each other. Neither of his parents wanted custody, and everyone else in his life hates him too. Then he says tis mission has given him a purpose and that's why he hasn't abandoned it. Not even two minutes earlier he was refusing to defuse bombs, but sure. We defuse the bombs without much issue, and then we fight Viola. This fight is infinitely easier than the first, and we finally defeat her. She’s been launched towards Jupiter, and she tells us not to save her or she’ll kill everyone we love. Her husband and parents were killed earlier and she says, I shit you not, “I don’t have the functions of a woman now”. I mentioned it earlier, but this game has some really crappy dialogue. Not in a funny way like Metal Wolf Chaos or Shenmue, it’s just bad. We tell her we’re lucky to be alive after the fight, and she thanks us before disintegrating. Then the leader arrives in the Anubis, the other Jehuty. We are nowhere near ready to fight him, and Elena helps us escape. We’re finally on the Atlantis, and now we can relax as our job here is done. We ask ADA what she’ll do after Mars, and she tells us she’s supposed to self-destruct during the battle. The credits begin as ADA shutdown for now, and Leo is reunited with Celvice as the game ends.

Bad

This game is bad

It’s not offensively bad, there’s just nothing to it. There are only three enemies in the game, the combat is boring, the backtracking is annoying, and the story feels incomplete, like we're missing both the beginning and end. The voice acting and dialogue sucks, I can only guess this game was butchered when it came over here. I expected this game wouldn’t be great due to the reviews on this site, but the second game has better reviews so it should be a lot better.

I was debating whether or not this game is a 5 or a 6, but ultimately I decided this game didn’t frustrate me, it just bored me. 6/10

Also what the fuck is an Ender and why is this their zone?

(Z post 1 of 2)
Today on Finnedorb…



Zone of the Enders HD (PS3): 4:09

Story: In the far future of 2172, a colony near Jupiter is being attacked. A child named Leo is running from the chaos. He finds cover and begins crying. We fl;ashback to just before the attack, he and his friends are tied up for sneaking around. Everyone immediately blames Leo, so the lady unties him and asks him what he wants to do. He can either knock her out and save his friends, or run like a little bitch. Then the attack begins, and a battle between two Orbital Frames ensues. Orbital Frames are just mechs, some require pilots, others don’t. The attacker, Viola, wins and the defeated frame falls onto Leo’s friends as he runs away like a little bitch. We come back to the present, and a Frame is shooting at him has caught up with him. Another Frame comes to his rescue and he runs away. As he runs past several corpses, he stumbles into some kind of garage for a special frame. A sudden explosion blasts Leo into the pilot’s seat, and he accidentally destroys his attacker with the frame. The frame’s on-board AI, ADA, has detected Leo is not supposed to be controlling it, but in the chaos there is nothing she can do but work with him. She teaches Leo how to control this special frame called a Jehuty, and they destroy several enemy frames. I should point out now that none of the regular enemies have pilots, I didn’t realize this at the time so I was very confused for a conversation that happens later. Viola shows up again, and she begins fighting us before the leader of the attackers (I’d love to give them a name but I don’t think the game does) intervenes. The goal of the attack is to secure both of the Jehuties on the colony, and he doesn’t want Viola to fight one yet. The two leave, and ADA tells Leo that everyone in the area is dead. He begins crying, but we receive a communication from a cargo ship called the Atlantis. They were supposed to receive the Jehuty, but clearly their guy didn’t make it. We need to deliver the frame to the Atlantis so they can deliver it to Mars for military operations. Leo doesn’t want to do this because he thinks he’ll have to kill people and he doesn’t want to. This sounds reasonable, but the voice acting is horrible and the dialogue is stilted which makes him sound very annoying and like a whiny little bitch. He ends up agreeing, being assured he won’t have to kill anyone, and he flies into the air. From the skies, Leo sees that his home town is being attacked, so he flies down to make sure his father is okay. His house-apartment block thing has been completely destroyed, but ADA assures him it’s likely everyone was evacuated. There is one civilian left, Leo’s friend Celvice who is running to the church. Leo flies over, and talks to Celvice. She tells him she’s going to the church to check if the children are in danger. Leo tells her she’s being stupid and to not risk it. They argue for a bit before Leo is grazed by an enemy. Celvice goes to the church anyway, and Leo fights the enemy. This is the first boss in the game, and it’s pretty easy if you remember to use your guard. We fly around and shoot him a bunch, and he goes down easily. ADA wants to finish him off, but LEO refuses since he can’t fight anymore. The guy takes off in an escape pod, and ADA says Leo’s decision is illogical. There weren’t any children at the church, and we pick up Celvice. She’ll be with us for most of the game, but she doesn’t talk much. We jump back into the sky and see a giant energy field in our way. ADA doesn’t know what it is, so we’re going to a nearby factory to download some data. While in the sky, we hear a news headline that several civilians are trapped in a burning hospital. Celvice wants us to rescue them, but ADA wants us to go straight to the factory. We ignore ADA and rescue the civilians. Then we head to the factory and kill a frame that has a passcode for the server which is how we’ll unlock the servers from now on. It turns out that the field is basically a large microwave created by two antennas. They kill all organic life in the field, and we need to take out the power supply. We head to the generator, but we can’t attack it since the field blocks all energy weapons. Now we need to backtrack to find a ballistic weapon. This is one of the most annoying parts of the game, there are times when you need to backtrack, but the game won’t tell you where. Eventually we try all options and find that these things called porters have been added to the town with the burning hospital. When Porters are destroyed, they reveal a hidden object. In this case it’s a sniper rifle, and we head back to the generator, finally destroying it. Unfortunately, the two antennas have an emergency supply so we need to take care of them. The first one is easy, just fly into the maintenance tunnel and destroy the generator. There’s a server in here as well, but we don’t have the passcodes. The second antenna is harder, the field blocks off access to the tunnel so we need to backtrack yet again. When we leave what little of the tunnel we entered, a new squad arrives and they have the first passcode, but the second passcode is still missing. I visited every area until finally a new squad showed up with the passcode. The fight’s annoying since they’re the tanky laser enemies, but we take them out and grab the passcode. The passcodes unlock a module that will let us remotely control a raptor frame, but we need to find a deactivated, undamaged one. I just looked up where it was at this point because the backtracking was really annoying, and once we grab it, we can just fly it right through the energy field. We download an anti-stealth module while we’re there, and then destroy the generator. With the field now down we can fly towards the Atlantis. Suddenly, we’re shot out of the sky by the next boss. ADA is acting very strange, and we fly off before the boss can destroy us. It turns out ADA has a virus, but luckily she told us where her AI was created just before we were shot, isn’t that convenient? We access a server and download a vaccine. ADA is back to normal, but we can’t defeat the boss right now. There’s another server nearby with two passcodes, so you’ll never guess what we have to do next. That’s right, more backtracking! We get the passcode from another squad, but the next passcode is being held by an invisible enemy. We need to retrieve the anti-stealth module from the raptor bot we controlled earlier. We do. Then we get the passcode. The server gives us a decoy that will throw off any homing attacks. Equipped with the new module, we fight the boss. The first phase is easy (as long as you remember to actually equip the decoy), and the second-phase is a little harder. We take him down, he escapes, and ADA knows we won’t try to kill him so she doesn’t ask. All the raptor bots shut down (except no they don’t, I don’t know why they brought this up if they don’t actually get deactivated), and we fly to the skies once again. The members of the Atlantis call us once again, but Leo is being a whiny little bitch again and doesn’t want to complete the mission. Leo says they don’t care about those who die including the guy who was supposed to pilot the Jehuty. The guy, Thunderhart, tells him to shut up since the pilot was his best friend and the other member, Elena’s, boyfriend. Thunderhart tells him to meet him at a warehouse under a dam, and Leo agrees. We get to the warehouse after a few small fights, and we’re ambushed by Viola. She traps us in an attack, and we can’t move. ADA tells us to use the escape pod while she self-destructs, but Leo refuses to leave her behind. Then Leo inexplicably gets out of the attack, and the fight begins again. This is the hardest boss in the game and it’s not close. Viola has a dangerous melee attack, but unlike the other bosses you can also use your melee in a high-risk high-reward attack. This isn’t worth it in my opinion, so I just used ranged attacks and beat her in 5 or 6 tries. We refuse to kill Viola, even after she killed our friends, and we leave to meet with Thunderhart. He wants our help once again, the leader guy has planted bombs that will throw the colony into Jupiter. Thunderhart wants us to disarm the bombs but Leo is, once again, a whiny little bitch and refuses to help. Celvice convinces him to do it, but then she’s shot by Viola. She tells Leo to fight her again while he’s defusing the bombs, and she leaves using a raptor. Celvice is wounded, but she’ll live. Thunderhart takes her to get medical help, and we leave to disarm the bombs. On the way up, we get Leo's backstory. He was neglected as a child, and when his parents had to separated due to his dad's military career, they argued over who should get him. Except, they were arguing for each other. Neither of his parents wanted custody, and everyone else in his life hates him too. Then he says tis mission has given him a purpose and that's why he hasn't abandoned it. Not even two minutes earlier he was refusing to defuse bombs, but sure. We defuse the bombs without much issue, and then we fight Viola. This fight is infinitely easier than the first, and we finally defeat her. She’s been launched towards Jupiter, and she tells us not to save her or she’ll kill everyone we love. Her husband and parents were killed earlier and she says, I shit you not, “I don’t have the functions of a woman now”. I mentioned it earlier, but this game has some really crappy dialogue. Not in a funny way like Metal Wolf Chaos or Shenmue, it’s just bad. We tell her we’re lucky to be alive after the fight, and she thanks us before disintegrating. Then the leader arrives in the Anubis, the other Jehuty. We are nowhere near ready to fight him, and Elena helps us escape. We’re finally on the Atlantis, and now we can relax as our job here is done. We ask ADA what she’ll do after Mars, and she tells us she’s supposed to self-destruct during the battle. The credits begin as ADA shutdown for now, and Leo is reunited with Celvice as the game ends.

Bad

This game is bad

It’s not offensively bad, there’s just nothing to it. There are only three enemies in the game, the combat is boring, the backtracking is annoying, and the story feels incomplete, like we're missing both the beginning and end. The voice acting and dialogue sucks, I can only guess this game was butchered when it came over here. I expected this game wouldn’t be great due to the reviews on this site, but the second game has better reviews so it should be a lot better.

I was debating whether or not this game is a 5 or a 6, but ultimately I decided this game didn’t frustrate me, it just bored me. 6/10

Also what the fuck is an Ender and why is this their zone?

Good review of one of my favorite mecha games on the PS2. Though I never understood the "plot" of the game.

(Z post 2 of 2)
Today on Finnedorb…



Zone of the Enders: The 2nd Runner HD (PS3): 7:41

I first started this game and got past the Leo fight before I quit the game without saving, deleting my progress. I was going to pick it up again the next day, but then I woke up with covid. I feel like shit and I’ve generally been lacking motivation to do anything. I ended up beating this game on the 30th since I knew I wanted to at least get it done in June.

Story: 2 years after the first game on Jupiter’s moon Callisto, we play as Dingo. He’s working there as a miner using a pretty crappy mech. One day on the job, he picks up a strong reading of Metatron ore in the area and he investigates. It turns out to be an abandoned Jehuty. Bahram (the bad guys from the first game) suddenly attack with an overwhelming amount of Orbital Frames, so we hop inside Jehuty to rescue our friends. We’re reintroduced to ADA, and she gives us tutorials. The combat in this game is mostly the same besides two major changes. The arenas are generally smaller and are closer to the grounds, and now if you smash a frame into a wall they will take extra damage. On top of that, the whole feel is just a lot smoother. My only real complaints about the new combat are that you can’t have a sub-weapon equipped and grab at the same time like you could in the first game, and the camera is somehow worse than the first game. Back to Callisto, Dingo takes out a few waves of enemies before coming across a piloted frame that’s targeting his friend (I’m not going to look up her name, she never appears again). The lady in the frame demands that we hand over Jehuty, but we refuse and start fighting. This is Ken, she mainly attacks from a range, and she can only be hit after an attack. We take her out pretty easily, and Dingo decides to infiltrate Bahram’s mothership. We get on-board through the hangar, and take out a bunch of frames until we come across the Nephtis, Viola’s frame from the last game. It’s being piloted by an AI replication of her, and we throw a pillar to temporarily take her out. Dingo seems to know Viola pretty well, although he doesn’t really react when ADA tells him she died. It’s not plot relevant, I just found it weird considering some things we find out later. ADA fills Dingo in on the plot of the first game, omitting Leo and Atlantis. Anubis appears in the next room piloted by Nohman, the commander of Bahram from the first game who I completely forgot the name of when I made my review. This is a fight you're meant to lose, and when you do, Nohman recognizes that you’re Dingo. Nohman invites Dingo to his room, and we cut to Dingo in the hallway. Ken punches him for the fight earlier, but Nohman tells her to back off. He reveals Dingo used to be a leading pilot in Bahram six years ago until he was presumed dead on his last mission. Nohman tells him to come back to Bahram, but Dingo refuses, claiming Nohman killed several of his comrades. Dingo starts to leave, and Nohman shoots him five times. Nohman leaves, and Ken tells Dingo he needs to help her if he wants to live. Dingo is barely conscious and doesn’t hear her, but she assumes he agrees. We jump ahead two months, and Ken boots up Jehuty with Dingo inside of it. He’s been in a coma, and his life-support is tied directly to Jehuty’s systems. Dingo says he didn’t want this, and Ken argues he should be more grateful. She tells him she’s a member of the Space Force (a “peace-keeping” force from earth), and that he needs to get off the ship and onto Mars. The ship is pretty boring, it’s just swarms of enemies until we get an SOS from another Space Force member who snuck on-board. His name is Taper, and he has a really crappy frame so we need to protect him while we escort him to an escape pod. His mission is to rescue some people after they obtained the powerful Vector Cannon. On a side-note, you need to shoot a specific box to find him before you escort him, and I got it right on my first-try. Then I lost my save data, and I thought I got soft-locked when I destroyed every box until I realized there were multiple warehouses. The escorting part is annoying, but Taper has enough health for it to not be that bad. If only an upcoming mission was like that. We get Taper to the escape pod, and then take out some enemies. AI Viola shows up, and we use our jets to boost off the ship and onto Mars. Dingo is shocked by the ruined state of Mars, and Ken tells us that Bahram has taken over Mars in the past year. The citizens and resistance are helpless to stop them, and the Space Force can’t do shit thanks to Aumaan, a giant fortress with destructive capabilities. It can’t be fully activated unless both Anubis and Jehuty… do something I’m not sure what though. It’s like how during the Cold War, two keys were needed simultaneously to launch a nuke. There’s more that doesn’t really matter, this scene is just a shit ton of exposition that could be summed up in two sentences, except unlike Metal Gear, the voice acting and dialogue are stilted and terrible. Anyway some enemies attack us, and then we go into a boss fight with Leo who is no longer whiney, little, or a bitch. This fight took me nearly an hour on my initial run, and then I beat him first try the second time through. I’m a little embarrassed about that, but he’s here demanding we give him Jehuty back. Apparently Elena from the first game just ditched Jehuty on Callisto and I honestly don’t remember why, Leo tells us to shut up when we ask him who Elena is and I don’t remember if she tells us later. Leo tells Dingo that ADA plans on self-destructing once we get to Aumaan, and Dingo is obviously troubled by this since he’s stuck inside of Jehuty. Leo wants to take care of Aumaan, but Dingo tells him to go do his homework. Leo agrees to this, and goes off to rescue the soldiers in Vascillia. In order to progress we need to enter Vascillia by destroying some locks on the south gate. This was as far as I got originally, and I ended up halving my time to get here. This part just involves destroying a shit ton of enemies, and destroying some pillars. We finally get into Vascillia, and we have another fight with the Viola AI. I didn’t understand what you were supposed to do here at first because the game was pretty vague, but you just need to grab some solar panels on the wall, and block her when she charges at you. Halfway through, she tackles you into a new area with lasers surrounding the arena. Just matador her into the lasers, and you win. We get a call from Taper who confirms he’s heading towards the soldiers. He asks us what our mission is, but he’s interrupted by a nearby battle the Space Force is having with Bahram. Civilians are getting caught in the crossfire, so we run over there to help. This is this game’s version of the SOS missions from the first and these are worse. It is so much harder to prevent civilian deaths just due to the way the area is structured, and because the Space Force doesn’t care. We have to hold them in place with a sub weapon while we take out the enemies if we want any of them to live. I don’t remember what my score was for this, but more than 50% lived. Taper gives us his location so we can back him up, but suddenly a train full of Bahram’s troops begins heading there. We destroy the train pretty easily, and get a call. It’s Ken, she’s come to Mars to help out. Dingo shares a story about a Space Force spy from when he was on Bahram, and how Nohman caught them immediately. He tells her the story because he doesn’t believe she actually works for the Space Force. Ken deflects the accusation by accusing Dingo of ditching his comrades during his final mission. We hang up when we get a call from Taper. He assumes the Orbital Frame approaching them is us, it’s not. We hear the sounds of a battle. When we get there, nearly everyone is dead, and we begin fighting the Viola AI again. This fight sucks, in order to damage her we need to use a grabbed enemy. The problem is, enemies will break out of your grab after a few seconds, and these enemies in particular love to grab you. This fight is tedious and takes forever. We finally take the AI down, and we retrieve the vector cannon. Dingo’s upset since Viola used to be a comrade, but unfortunately he forgot to hang up the call with Taper and he heard us. Despite the fact we just destroyed the AI, he immediately assumes we’re working for Bahram. Leo calmly explains the situation, but Taper isn’t listening. Ken finally arrives, and Taper gets even more worried. While he’s causing a commotion, the Viola AI infects Ken’s frame and takes it over. We need to delta the AI by grabbing Ken’s frame without harming her. The only way to do this is to parry her enough times to repel her. This mechanic is barely explained in-game, and I didn’t really understand it until I looked up a guide. Basically, you just need to attack right as she’s attacking, do this enough times and she’s repealed, allowing you to grab her. The amount of parries increases every time up to a max of around 5. Timing is everything with this one, so pay attention. Unfortunately, even if you do, Viola has this bullshit attack where she just drains Ken’s health bar to kill her which gives you a game over. This attack is stupid and unavoidable. If you're not fast enough it’ll be over in seconds. We finally delete AI Viola, but Ken doesn't know how to fly without an on-board AI so we need to carry her out of here. This is another escort mission and it sucks. There’s a bottomless pit, the enemies seem to exclusively target her, and they infinitely respawn until we kill a specific enemy. Eventually we manage to get out of the area, and Ken hops into Jehuty with us. Ken gets a call, and Bahram has somehow activated Aumaan. We can’t go over there just yet though because we have no way to deal with Anubis. Luckily, Dingo knows the perfect guy to help them. There’s a guy named Lloyd who’s a software engineer for Orbital Frames. On the way to his lab, Dingo goes into detail about his final mission. He and his team were to escort some Mettatron to Antilla (where the first game takes place). It went off without a hitch, but when they left Antilla, they were attacked by the Space Force. There was an overwhelming amount of soldiers, and when Dingo asked Nohman for help, he told DIngo to give up and die. It turns out Nohman leaked the whole thing to the Space Force in order to make them think the mission was a failure. All of Dingo’s comrades were killed, and he escaped to Callisto. On what’s basically Lloyd’s front lawn, there’s a shit ton of defenses. We can avoid them by going on a specific route that Ken knows. Basically we just move forward until Ken tells us to switch directions, and that goes on for like 5-6 minutes. Lloyd invites us in, but we need to prove our skills before he’ll help us so we fight through a gauntlet of enemies as we make our way to the basement. Finally we fight the man himself. The first phase is nothing special, there’s a decent amount of cover he hides behind, and he can teleport. The second phase is where the real fight begins. He shuts off all the lights so we can’t see. ADA is able to sense his position, and she guides us as we move forwards in a seemingly endless space. When we catch up we can do some damage before the cycle repeats. This can get somewhat tedious, and I recommend using your jest to boost left and right rather than just holding down the button since there’s some obstacles that come very quickly. I also discovered you can’t guard if your using your jets which is very annoying during this fight since the attack you need to block comes out very fast. This is probably my favorite fight in the game, even if it’s a little repetitive. We eventually take him down, and he gives us a program that will boost Jehuty’s power to be on the same level as Anubis. It takes some time to kick in though, so when Anubis comes bursting through the ceiling, we need to run. Unfortunately, we left Ken down there, and she’s been captured by Nohman. We can’t face Nohkman until the program kicks in, so we’re forced to leave her. Leo tells us the assault on Aumaan is about to begin, so we head over there… but first we need to take out a fleet of enemy ships. This is the worst part of the game. We need to destroy five ships of increasing difficulty. We do this by using the Vector Cannon on the engine. On every ship past the first though, we also need to destroy a massive cannon that is covered by anti-aircraft guns and turrets as well as infinite reinforcements from orbital frames. This was hell, I’d usually get to the third or fourth ship and then die. It went on like this until I tried out the homing missile sub weapon. This allows you to shoot off rockets that deal massive damage to nearby enemies. More missiles are fired off the longer you hold the circle button. Every missile seems to target a different enemy, and once I figured that out, it became my favorite weapon in the game. No longer did I have to struggle to take out the anti-aircraft guns, I can just hold circle to delete them. Enemies? Gone. Turrets? Gone. My will to live? Restored! Eventually we take care of all the ships, and a giant enemy frame shows up. It has shields, but it’s vulnerable at the core. It’s pretty easy and I took it out in 2 attempts. We meet up with the Space Force, but Taper’s convinced everyone we’re an enemy so they take aim at us. We get a call from Elena who tells us to surrender Jehuty. We ask about Ken, but our hunch was right and she has nothing to do with the Space Force. Leo shows up and tries to convince Elena that we’re an ally. She’s not buying it, but Dingo tells everyone they all have the same reason for fighting. The ground troops stand down, and Elena lets Dingo take command of the troops. The goal of this part is to take out all the 100+ enemies. Luckily they are all level 1 and very weak. We can save some of the ground troops when they get knocked down, but I wasn’t sure how to do this. I ended up saving 26/40 and got an A-rank so I was doing something right. We take out all the enemies, and the troops arrive at a crevice near Aumaan’s entrance. Before we can go further, the program finally kicks in, and we get a massive upgrade. Jehuty now has four guns, our attacks do significantly more damage, and we can teleport to enemies by manipulating space. We absolutely steamroll the enemies guarding the entrance, but we get a call from Ken. She tells us not to come because Nohman is too powerful. She reveals the truth, that she’s just a Bahram soldier who’s decided to revolt. Her father was on DIngo’s unit during the final mission, and he died there as well. Nohman enters the call by restraining Ken, he’s excited about finishing the job and killing us. The call ends, and we destroy some more enemies. We make it to a control facility where ADA realizes we’re not in Aumaan. Anubis arrives, and we begin fighting. Around the halfway point, Leo shows up and delivers a devastating blow. A second Anubis shows up behind him, and beats the shit out of him. It’s revealed the first Anubis was a fake being piloted by Ken. Ken reveals the real Aumaan is actually inside of Mars’ largest moon, Phobos. Nohman is aiming Aumaan’s weapons at Mars to completely destroy it. I’ve watched the rest of the cutscene three times now, and I genuinely can’t tell what’s happening. It seems like maybe a tractor beam or something begins pulling everyone to Phobos, but that's my best guess. The real fight with Anubis begins, and it’s disappointingly easy. Just dodge a projectile, use the teleport, and slash him a couple times. You can’t use any sub weapons or your guns in this fight so progress is slow. His attacks are very easy to dodge and the whole thing is a slog. Eventually we defeat Anubis, and we all land on Phobos. Elena says she’ll send a ship to pick us up, and she tells us about ADA’s self-destruct program. It’s impossible to remove, and it will activate once inside Aumaan. Anubis suddenly crashes onto Phobos, interrupting our conversation, and we go to investigate. Anubis falls into Phobos to begin using Aumaan. Its power will destroy the Solar System, and we have to stop it. We only agree to do it if Earth promises to stay out of Mars’ affairs (apparently Earth has a habit of doing that I guess). Elena says she’ll talk to some people to make it happen, and we dive into the core to fight Anubis. I’m going to be honest, I don’t understand this fight. He has a shield up, and sometimes my attacks work. I found that sprint attacks always hit, but they do little damage. Burst attacks are good too, but they’re harder to pull off. He has a phase where he heals, but you can stop it with the homing lasers. The frame rate on this part is horrible and there’s a lot of visual mess on screen at all times. This final boss is boring, and beat it on my second try. While Nohman may have died, Aumaan was still activated, and we need to stop it before ADA blows us up. Dingo tells ADA to “radiate Jehuty’s energy and strike it against the core of Aumaan”'. I don’t know what that means, but Dingo tries it. He’s swallowed up by Aumaan’s beam, but he finds Anubis’ head and uses its energy to take out Aumaan. The blasts sends us drifting into space, but ken and Leo rescue us. We get medical attention, and the game ends with Dingo telling Ken to give him a normal body, Jehuty was way too big.

This game definitely has a better story than the first game, although it’s still not great. Maybe it’s good in Japanese, but the English dialogue and voice acting are still terrible. I’m glad Leo wasn’t the main character again, and I like Dingo. I will say, I know it’s been put in HD, but even without that I’m shocked that this was a PS2 game. The visuals are actually amazing and better than some games that come out today. This game improves on nearly everything the first game tried to do… but at the end of the day it’s still not great. The combat feels smoother, sure, but it still gets boring after a while. The bosses all mostly sucked too, Lloyd was really the only good one. This game is better than the first in every way, but it’s still just decent. 7/10

Oh and the collection overall is fine, but the frame rate issues were annoying and they should have included the GBA game. 7/10

And with that, the A-Z challenge comes to an end. I’m going to do another post ranking all the games and giving my general thoughts about the challenge, but I’m glad I get to move onto other things.

Today on Finnedorb…

With the completion of the Zone of the Enders HD Collection, I’ve finally finished the A-Z Challenge. There have been a lot of highs and lows in this challenge, and here’s my ranking of the games from worst to best.

26: Gods Will Fall



To no one's surprise, Gods Will Fall was the worst game I played for this challenge. It was so bad I couldn’t complete it. The randomized difficulty is bullshit, nothing carries over when you die unlike every other rogue-like, and the combat is awful. This has been the worst game I’ve played this year and I hope it stays that way because if I can find something worse than this, I will explode.

25. Kane & Lynch: Dead Men



I knew this game wasn’t going to be great just by the general reputation of this series, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad. The gunplay isn’t fun and I hate every character except Lynch who ends up getting sidelined by the end. This game looks awful graphically, and I feel like we barely get to know our main character. At the very least, it’s short.

24. Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles



This is probably a hot take, but this game sucks. It does a horrible job retelling the plots of RE 0, 1, and 3, the enemies are way too tanky, the checkpoints are awful, and the boss fights suck with the exception of Nemesis. The only good part about playing this for the challenge is that I also played through REmake so I wouldn’t get spoiled and I ended up really enjoying it.

23. Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell



I really don’t see why people like this game, I personally had a bad time with it. Mainly I didn’t enjoy the gameplay and the missions where you can’t kill are really annoying. The plot was pretty boring too, it just felt extremely generic. I guess using countries like Georgia and Azerbaijan in the plot is more unique than something like a COD campaign where they just use Russia over and over again. Even though this felt like a slog, I’m willing to try out the sequels since there must be one good one for the series to be this well liked.

22. Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven



This was a tough spot to choose, but ultimately I went with this. It’s not horrible, the plot’s just boring, the gameplay is boring, and the roster could be a lot better. I’m also slightly biased because I decided to retell the plots of every Jojo part and that took several days of typing. If you’re a Jojo fan like me then you’ll get something out of the fanservice, but as a game it’s not very good.

21. Anarchy Reigns



I replayed MadWorld for this since I thought it was a direct sequel. That was the most fun I had relating to this game. This was a really disappointing followup to MadWorld that has basically nothing to do with it outside of like four shared characters (Blacker Baron doesn’t count). Gone is the fun scoring system from the first game that unlocked weapons and traps for more opportunities. Now we just have to kill a bunch of the same enemies with few traps and weapons in order to unlock the next stage. It’s a boring grind that kills the pacing. The graphics took a hit too, these characters do not look great in color. The setting is just a boring post-apocalypse, and it feels like all personality from the first game was surgically removed. I don’t know how fun the multiplayer is, but the campaign sucks.

20. Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair



Alright, admittedly I retired this a little early. I just knew I wasn’t going to have fun with this so I quit before I wasted too much of my time. It’s a fine enough platformer, but it’s not all that interesting. Top that with the fact I don’t really like 2-D platformers and you get something that’s just not my thing.

19. Europa Universalis III



This was very boring and nothing happened. It was just waiting for 1821 for hours while nothing happened. I never understood the combat system so I didn’t declare war, and no one declared war on me. I just played as Portugal and waited. This also made me remove Europa Universalis IV from my backlog since these games don’t really have a definitive end to them. If I knew how to play a little better I might have fun, but my playthrough was just miserable.

18. Loop Hero



This game isn’t bad, it’s just way too grindy for my taste. There are four different stages, but they take forever and require good RNG with minimal rewards for ending the loop early. There’s very little direct gameplay besides switching out your gear and placing tile cards. Maybe if I wasn’t playing this for the challenge I would’ve gone through with it, but I had things to do and just felt very bored so I retired it.

17. Custom-Robo



I genuinely don’t remember anything about this game. I think I liked the gameplay, and I remember thinking the writing was funny, but I couldn’t tell you a single character’s name or any plot details. This left zero impact on me and it disappeared from my brain.

16 and 15: New Super Luigi U and While True: Learn()


Both of these are short, nothing games. They are gone just a few hours after they start. I have no real opinions on either of them, they’re just way too short. I’m ranking them higher than Custom-Robo because I actually remember things about these games.

14. Zone of the Enders HD Collection



The first game is bad, but it’s not offensively bad. The second game is better in every way, but still not great. I just reviewed these so I’m not going into much detail, but the package overall is okay.

13. Metal Gear Solid: VR Missions



MGS VR Missions is an alright collection of microgames in the style of the original MGS, but it suffers from all the jank of MGS1 combat. The grenade challenge stages were awful because of how hard they are to aim. I liked the mystery stages and this is enjoyable if you like MGS1. Just don’t play it in a few days like I did, this is meant to be played for like an hour or less at a time.

12. XIII



XIII is good, but the gunplay isn’t great, and there’s a really shitty bossfight at the end that drags everything down. The visual style is what makes this game, I love the comic book aesthetic. The voice cast is great and helps elevate an overall mediocre script and story.

11. Insurmountable



This was a neat hidden gem in my library. I didn’t expect much, I just thought this was a mountain climbing sim, but I was wrong. The tile based movement is a lot of fun, although it does get a bit repetitive later on. The time loop story is pretty interesting too as we slowly uncovered more and more information. I wish the characters had a bit more personality, but it was a short and sweet adventure.

10. Sid Meier’s Pirates!



Despite ending my run pretty early, I had fun with this game. I loved taking over ships and finding clues to where our missing family is. My biggest complaint with this game is how hard it punishes you for losing sword fights. The fight with the Marquis is brutal, and I lost everything. I might play this again and find the full family, but I settled for just ending the journey and becoming a Parson.

9. Deus Ex



I have mixed feelings on Deus Ex, but after thinking about it, I’ve decided I like this game. I like the plot, and JC is a great main character. My main issues were the shitty lighting, the performance, and the barely functioning stealth system. I enjoyed figuring out where to go by talking to people, and multiple routes are neat. I didn’t really like the final mission in Area 51 and the three endings are all pretty lame, but the journey is fun.

8. Paradigm



Another hidden gem in my library. Paradigm is a point-and-click adventure game with funny writing and an interesting world. I’m still pissed about accidentally deleting my review before I could publish it since more people should play this game. There's one part near the end where you can click a button 10,000 times to skip like 2 hours of the game and I actually did it just to see what would happen. Sure enough, it skip[s several puzzles and lets you start fighting the boss. I don’t want to give anything else away, but if you picked this up when it was free on Epic, play it.

7. Batman: Arkham City



This game has a great story, and it’s a great followup to Arkham Asylum. Its gameplay is better, the open-world is larger, and there’s more villains. The only thing I think it does worse is how the game generally looks. It’s graphically superior, but I’m not a fan of how Arkham city looks style-wise and the first game just had a lot more personality. I’ve also never really been a fan of Hugo Strange, and I would’ve preferred someone else as the villain. I plan on playing Arkham Knight either this month or in August, and I’m hoping it fixes some of my issues.

6. Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath



This game has a good first and second act, and then the third act just feels like a different game. It’s not bad, just a lot different out of nowhere. The gameplay is a lot of fun, and I like the mechanic of having to hunt your own ammo. The boss fights are all solid (except one) and I like this game’s comedy. This is the first Oddworld game I’ve played and I’m aware it’s a lot different than the others but I still want to see more of this world.

5. Hotel Dusk: Room 215



Hotel Dusk is a great story with very little actual gameplay. I like the story and I got attached to most of the characters, this would be a great book or movie. Unfortunately though there’s just not much substance due to this being a visual novel. Doesn't mean I don’t want a new one, there are still some loose ends left at the end of the story and I want to see them tied up. I know there’s a sequel that never came to the US, but the 3DS can play all regions of DS games and it released in Europe so I’ll get my hands on it someday.

4. Undertale



I think I may have rated this game a little too highly, it’s not really a 10/10. It’s still a great game, I don’t have any problems with it, but it’s more like a 9/10 or an 8/10 to me. The characters are still great, the writing is amazing, the gameplay is fun, and the sheer variety of endings and ways you can interact with the world are insane. But I knew all this before this challenge, I wasn’t surprised so it ranks a little lower for me.

3. Valkyria Chronicles



I might have some recency bias here, but I really enjoyed this game (minus the final boss). I got really attached to my units and the world they live in. The gameplay was fun and I like how the game looks. I’ve said most of what I have to say already in the review so I’m not going into as much detail here, but it ended up being my third favorite game of the challenge.

2. Quake II



On the opposite end of Undertale, I did not expect to love Quake II this much. I played the remaster from a few years ago, and this shit is amazing. I loved the gameplay, and the level design was great too. I had a smile on my face the whole time. The only reason it’s not higher is because I have a hard time remembering specifics about the game. There’s a lot of levels and plot points I’ve forgotten about, but I’ll never forget the blood-pumping feel of the gameplay.

1. Final Fantasy VII



I’d heard about how good this game was, but I didn't expect to like this as much as I did. I’m not usually a fan of JRPGs, but this was an exception. The story was amazing, and I ended up really liking Cloud compared to what I thought about him based on Smash Bros. The Materia system added some customization to how I played, even if juggling them between characters was a little annoying. I haven’t played any other FF games, but I can already say this is the best one. I wish the remake wasn’t basically a different game split into a trilogy, a straight remake would be something I’d love to play. If I could go back, I’d change this to a 10/10, but I don’t like going back and changing my scores.


The Future:

This challenge was a lot of fun despite the occasional lows. I discovered some games I would’ve never played. I plan on doing this again next year, I’m just hoping it takes a little less time.

I said last year I was going to complete one of my console backlogs as a challenge, but I’m not sure if I’m still going to do it. If I do then it’ll be in a few months, I need a break.

I’m also going on break from this blog too. These posts take a while to type because of my bad habit of going into way too much detail. I’ll probably come back when I beat a game I have something to say about, but I don’t know when that’ll happen.

The challenge started on a boring note, and ended on a boring note, but the middle was a fun rollercoaster I hope to ride on again.

Nice job on the A-Z challenge!

I do love Splinter Cell, but it's aged like milk! Stealth games are not the same after the Last of Us as far as I'm concerned.

I'm kind of confused how Splinter Cell 1 is "overrated". I never liked using that term since it's neblous at best but when SC gets discussed it's usually CT that is considered a masterpiece and all the other games pretty much get ignored. There's a lot of people who aren't even that big on the first game.

Well I'm back sooner than I thought

I mentioned in my last post as well as in my 2023 wrap-up that I wanted to complete one of my console backlogs in a sort of marathon. I was going to do it in a few months, but I changed my mind.

I've decided to keep it up to a vote, but I'm excluding my PC, Wii, Xbox 360, Switch, PS4, and Xbox One backlogs. They're all just too long, my PC backlog takes more hours to complete than there are waking hours in a year .

So here's your candidates:

Gamecube: 17 Games, 8 Days to beat all

Chibi-Robo!
F-Zero GX
Frogger: Ancient Shadow
Killer7
Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour
Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
Mario Party 5
Metroid Prime
Odama
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
Pikmin
Star Fox Adventures
Super monkey Ball
Super Smash Bros. Melee
Tetris Worlds
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Master Quest
The Simpsons Hit & Run

Xbox: 16 Games, 7 Days 4 Hours to beat all*

Atari Anthology
Crimson Skies: High Road to Revenge
Destroy All Humans!
Destroy All Humans! 2
Halo: Combat Evolved
Halo 2
Max Payne
Max Payne 2
Mega Man Anniversary Collection
Namco Museum 50th Anniversary
Phantom Dust
Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Taito Legends
The Simpsons Road Rage
Tony Hawk's American Wasteland

Wii U: 13 Games, 7 Days 4 Hours to beat all

Bayonetta
Bayonetta 2
Just Dance 2016
Just Dance 2017
NES Remix Pack
New Super Mario Bros. U
Nintendo Land
Paper Mario: Color Splash
Pushmo World
Super Mario 3D World
The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker HD
The Wonderful 101
Yoshi's Woolly World

3DS: 11 Games, 7 Days to beat all

Dillon's Rolling Western
Dillon's Rolling Western: The Last Ranger
Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia
Fire Emblem: Fates - Revelation
Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon
Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions
Metroid: Samus Returns
My Nintendo Picross - The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Paper Mario: Sticker Star
Pushmo
Yoshi's New Island

PS2: 11 Games, 4 Days 20 Hours to beat all

Castlevania: Lament of Innocence
Devil May Cry
God of War
Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec
Katamari Damacy
Kill Switch
Kingdom Hearts
Mortal Kombat: Deception
Red Faction
Resident Evil Code: Veronica X
Silent Scope

PS3: 11 Games, 6 Days 17 Hours to beat all

Alpha Protocol
Darksiders
Demon's Souls
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Hitman HD Trilogy
Hitman: Absolution
inFAMOUS
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit
Resistance: Fall of Man
Resistance 2
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

N64: 10 Games, 3 Days 20 Hours to beat all

Banjo-Tooie
BattleTanx
BattleTanx: Global Assault
Bio Freaks
Pokemon Snap
Resident Evil 2
Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
WinBack: Covert Operations

NES: 9 Games, 1 Day 9 Hours to beat all**

3-D World Runner
Dragon Warrior
Mach Rider
Marble Madness
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Super Mario Bros. 2
Super Mario Bros. 3
The Adventures of Dino Ricky
The Legend of Zelda

PS1: 9 Games, 2 Days 15 Hours to beat all*

Die Hard Trilogy
Gex: Enter the Gecko
Grand Theft Auto
Hot Shots Golf
Sesame Street: Elmo's Letter Adventure
Spyro the Dragon
Tenchu: Stealth Assassins
Tomb Raider
Who Wants to be a Millionaire: 3rd Edition

SNES: 9 Games, 1 Day 17 Hours to beat all*

F-Zero
Killer Instinct
Mario is Missing!
Pilotwings
Pitfall: the Mayan Adventure
Shaq Fu
SimCity
Super Mario All-Stars
William's Arcade's Greatest Hits

The Under 1% Club (DS, GBA, PS5, GB): 9 Games, 6 Days 14 Hours to beat all*

Build-A-Bear Workshop
Elite Beat Agents
Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
God of War: Ragnarock
Golden Sun
Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
Marvel's Avengers
Nintendogs
Pokemon Red

Dreamcast: 8 Games, 3 Days 1 Hour to beat all

Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare
Crazy Taxi
Crazy Taxi 2
Seaman
Shenmue
Shenmue II
Sonic Adventure
Soulcalibur

PSP: 7 Games, 3 Days 7 Hours to beat all*

Exit
Killzone: Liberation
Metal Gear Acid
Midway Arcade Treasures: Extended Play
Patapon
Untold Legends: Brotherhood of the Blade
Untold Legends: The Warrior's Code

*One or more games have no recorded completion times
**Most of these games don't save and I'm not great at a lot of them

Vote for whatever one you think I should play, I'll be doing posts about all of the games I beat or retire

I'm not going to start this right now, I want to beat Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn first, so votes are open till then

Well I'm back sooner than I thought

I mentioned in my last post as well as in my 2023 wrap-up that I wanted to complete one of my console backlogs in a sort of marathon. I was going to do it in a few months, but I changed my mind.

I've decided to keep it up to a vote, but I'm excluding my PC, Wii, Xbox 360, Switch, PS4, and Xbox One backlogs. They're all just too long, my PC backlog takes more hours to complete than there are waking hours in a year .

So here's your candidates:

Gamecube: 17 Games, 8 Days to beat all

Chibi-Robo!
F-Zero GX
Frogger: Ancient Shadow
Killer7
Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour
Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
Mario Party 5
Metroid Prime
Odama
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door
Pikmin
Star Fox Adventures
Super monkey Ball
Super Smash Bros. Melee
Tetris Worlds
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Master Quest
The Simpsons Hit & Run

Xbox: 16 Games, 7 Days 4 Hours to beat all*

Atari Anthology
Crimson Skies: High Road to Revenge
Destroy All Humans!
Destroy All Humans! 2
Halo: Combat Evolved
Halo 2
Max Payne
Max Payne 2
Mega Man Anniversary Collection
Namco Museum 50th Anniversary
Phantom Dust
Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Taito Legends
The Simpsons Road Rage
Tony Hawk's American Wasteland

Wii U: 13 Games, 7 Days 4 Hours to beat all

Bayonetta
Bayonetta 2
Just Dance 2016
Just Dance 2017
NES Remix Pack
New Super Mario Bros. U
Nintendo Land
Paper Mario: Color Splash
Pushmo World
Super Mario 3D World
The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker HD
The Wonderful 101
Yoshi's Woolly World

3DS: 11 Games, 7 Days to beat all

Dillon's Rolling Western
Dillon's Rolling Western: The Last Ranger
Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valencia
Fire Emblem: Fates - Revelation
Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon
Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions
Metroid: Samus Returns
My Nintendo Picross - The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Paper Mario: Sticker Star
Pushmo
Yoshi's New Island

PS2: 11 Games, 4 Days 20 Hours to beat all

Castlevania: Lament of Innocence
Devil May Cry
God of War
Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec
Katamari Damacy
Kill Switch
Kingdom Hearts
Mortal Kombat: Deception
Red Faction
Resident Evil Code: Veronica X
Silent Scope

PS3: 11 Games, 6 Days 17 Hours to beat all

Alpha Protocol
Darksiders
Demon's Souls
Deus Ex: Human Revolution
Hitman HD Trilogy
Hitman: Absolution
inFAMOUS
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit
Resistance: Fall of Man
Resistance 2
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

N64: 10 Games, 3 Days 20 Hours to beat all

Banjo-Tooie
BattleTanx
BattleTanx: Global Assault
Bio Freaks
Pokemon Snap
Resident Evil 2
Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
WinBack: Covert Operations

NES: 9 Games, 1 Day 9 Hours to beat all**

3-D World Runner
Dragon Warrior
Mach Rider
Marble Madness
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
Super Mario Bros. 2
Super Mario Bros. 3
The Adventures of Dino Ricky
The Legend of Zelda

PS1: 9 Games, 2 Days 15 Hours to beat all*

Die Hard Trilogy
Gex: Enter the Gecko
Grand Theft Auto
Hot Shots Golf
Sesame Street: Elmo's Letter Adventure
Spyro the Dragon
Tenchu: Stealth Assassins
Tomb Raider
Who Wants to be a Millionaire: 3rd Edition

SNES: 9 Games, 1 Day 17 Hours to beat all*

F-Zero
Killer Instinct
Mario is Missing!
Pilotwings
Pitfall: the Mayan Adventure
Shaq Fu
SimCity
Super Mario All-Stars
William's Arcade's Greatest Hits

The Under 1% Club (DS, GBA, PS5, GB): 9 Games, 6 Days 14 Hours to beat all*

Build-A-Bear Workshop
Elite Beat Agents
Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
God of War: Ragnarock
Golden Sun
Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
Marvel's Avengers
Nintendogs
Pokemon Red

Dreamcast: 8 Games, 3 Days 1 Hour to beat all

Alone in the Dark: The New Nightmare
Crazy Taxi
Crazy Taxi 2
Seaman
Shenmue
Shenmue II
Sonic Adventure
Soulcalibur

PSP: 7 Games, 3 Days 7 Hours to beat all*

Exit
Killzone: Liberation
Metal Gear Acid
Midway Arcade Treasures: Extended Play
Patapon
Untold Legends: Brotherhood of the Blade
Untold Legends: The Warrior's Code

*One or more games have no recorded completion times
**Most of these games don't save and I'm not great at a lot of them

Vote for whatever one you think I should play, I'll be doing posts about all of the games I beat or retire

I'm not going to start this right now, I want to beat Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn first, so votes are open till then

My vote is for PS3. That list contains the most games I'd be interested in playing myself.

GameCube! You've got some gems in there

I've just reached part 4 of Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn and I'll likely beat the game in the next 2-3 days so I'm just posting to see if we can get some more votes for which library I'll beat next. Right now it's a tie between PS3 and GameCube so if no one else votes I'll just flip a coin.