✓#
Patchy_
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EDIT: THIS BLOG HAS BEEN UPDATED, CHECK FOR THE MOST RECENT UPDATE IN THE THREAD. (5/14/24)
Frankly, it's not as unreasonable as a bunch of other peoples. But it is for me. I used to own over 2000 video games and over the past couple of years. I just kind of had a realization that I truly despise and hate this situation i've built for myself.
Gaming increasingly feels more like a chore, and the magic and enjoyment I used to find in video games becomes more and more like a science as I wonder why I even enjoy them. Sometimes I get so disassociated from my favorite hobby that it feels like I only play them because "pressing x to do 'this' attack and have it hit that guy releases dopamine." It really starts to make the whole act of gaming feel kind of gross.
I've never written one of these blog things, and i'm not really sure how to go about it. So i'm just gonna start with where I started with gaming.
I've been gaming since I was a little kid, I'm pretty sure my first ever console was a ps1. And most of my gaming was like, demo discs we used to get from magazines and stuff. I barely remember the games I played on that thing, but I remember some really good ones, like Tomba and Spyro the Dragon.
From there, over the years I got more consoles. Xbox, Xbox 360, Gamecube, PS2 at one point, Gameboy Color, DS.
I always loved games that were full of color and character. My standout memories in that regard being Eternal Sonata, The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker, The pokemon games and quirky RPGS.
During my youth a lot of people really gravitated towards like, gritty, 'realistic' games of my time, like Gears of War, Call of Duty, and bloody and gorey games like God of War. That just was never for me (except gears of war, the 2nd one was the best in the franchise to this day imo)
I always focused heavily on feelings in games, sound design, art, mechanics, design and messaging.Basically i'm a pretentious gaming snob.
And that focus has lead me down my palette for gaming. I really love seeing what anyone and everyone does with the medium. I try to dabble my fingers into pretty much anything, though that has narrowed down over the years purely as I am pretty insecure about being bad at games. But i'm trying to open my horizons again and feel the world out there again.
Back to the backlog. Basically my journey with gaming is that i'm starting to hate my passion. I truly miss the days of being able to breathe and feel free. To just whimsically put a thousand hours into one game and that being ok. Or replaying a game for the 5th time. I feel this constant demand and obligation this absolutely disgusting slew of games I own. And I've had to start opening myself to some truthes not only about gaming, but about life.
That i'm not meant to experience everything, that so many wonderful games I will have to watch with a heavy heart, sail on by. And that's ok.
I want to find meaning in gaming again, I want to find passion, and love, and creativity for this medium again. It used to propel me to the highest of highs and make my mind abuzz with thought and wonder.
But over the years i've numbed myself and made myself ground down to where I wonder what is the point of this, of anything I do (that sounds so out of base but I have a lot of personal tyings into this at this stage of my life (I am 30.))
So now i'm on my backlog journey. I long to be free of this burden, and I long to accept that notion that i'm not meant to experience everything. But I also want to see what lies beyond all of this. I do not believe I will actually beat all of these games. In-fact I expect many of them, I will let coast down the river away from me.
At this time of writing, I have 446~ games in my backlog. And it disgusts me. It's hard to believe there ever was a time I was so purely focused on quality and absolute true desire to engage in a game where I could look at my library with pride and every one had it's place. Like good friends persisting since childhood.
Now I just feel like gluttony, no taste for quality, only quantity. Which is not exactly fair to say to games, we now live in a time where there is just. Such a brilliant amount of wonderful games and experiences made by just about anyone from all over the globe.
But what is such a meal if you can't taste the difference from Chicken Marbella to Chicken Nuggets with vegetables garnished in a handful of spices.
Anyways. Enough about that, for anyone who care to read these blog posts of my journey. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy whatever updates I put out.
Frankly, it's not as unreasonable as a bunch of other peoples. But it is for me. I used to own over 2000 video games and over the past couple of years. I just kind of had a realization that I truly despise and hate this situation i've built for myself.
Gaming increasingly feels more like a chore, and the magic and enjoyment I used to find in video games becomes more and more like a science as I wonder why I even enjoy them. Sometimes I get so disassociated from my favorite hobby that it feels like I only play them because "pressing x to do 'this' attack and have it hit that guy releases dopamine." It really starts to make the whole act of gaming feel kind of gross.
I've never written one of these blog things, and i'm not really sure how to go about it. So i'm just gonna start with where I started with gaming.
I've been gaming since I was a little kid, I'm pretty sure my first ever console was a ps1. And most of my gaming was like, demo discs we used to get from magazines and stuff. I barely remember the games I played on that thing, but I remember some really good ones, like Tomba and Spyro the Dragon.
From there, over the years I got more consoles. Xbox, Xbox 360, Gamecube, PS2 at one point, Gameboy Color, DS.
I always loved games that were full of color and character. My standout memories in that regard being Eternal Sonata, The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker, The pokemon games and quirky RPGS.
During my youth a lot of people really gravitated towards like, gritty, 'realistic' games of my time, like Gears of War, Call of Duty, and bloody and gorey games like God of War. That just was never for me (except gears of war, the 2nd one was the best in the franchise to this day imo)
I always focused heavily on feelings in games, sound design, art, mechanics, design and messaging.
And that focus has lead me down my palette for gaming. I really love seeing what anyone and everyone does with the medium. I try to dabble my fingers into pretty much anything, though that has narrowed down over the years purely as I am pretty insecure about being bad at games. But i'm trying to open my horizons again and feel the world out there again.
Back to the backlog. Basically my journey with gaming is that i'm starting to hate my passion. I truly miss the days of being able to breathe and feel free. To just whimsically put a thousand hours into one game and that being ok. Or replaying a game for the 5th time. I feel this constant demand and obligation this absolutely disgusting slew of games I own. And I've had to start opening myself to some truthes not only about gaming, but about life.
That i'm not meant to experience everything, that so many wonderful games I will have to watch with a heavy heart, sail on by. And that's ok.
I want to find meaning in gaming again, I want to find passion, and love, and creativity for this medium again. It used to propel me to the highest of highs and make my mind abuzz with thought and wonder.
But over the years i've numbed myself and made myself ground down to where I wonder what is the point of this, of anything I do (that sounds so out of base but I have a lot of personal tyings into this at this stage of my life (I am 30.))
So now i'm on my backlog journey. I long to be free of this burden, and I long to accept that notion that i'm not meant to experience everything. But I also want to see what lies beyond all of this. I do not believe I will actually beat all of these games. In-fact I expect many of them, I will let coast down the river away from me.
At this time of writing, I have 446~ games in my backlog. And it disgusts me. It's hard to believe there ever was a time I was so purely focused on quality and absolute true desire to engage in a game where I could look at my library with pride and every one had it's place. Like good friends persisting since childhood.
Now I just feel like gluttony, no taste for quality, only quantity. Which is not exactly fair to say to games, we now live in a time where there is just. Such a brilliant amount of wonderful games and experiences made by just about anyone from all over the globe.
But what is such a meal if you can't taste the difference from Chicken Marbella to Chicken Nuggets with vegetables garnished in a handful of spices.
Anyways. Enough about that, for anyone who care to read these blog posts of my journey. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy whatever updates I put out.
#Looking forward to hearing about your journey and like your profile pic!
✓#
Hopefully you get back to that point where they held much fonder memories, even if you treat life like a game I think you can get there too but as long as you're doing it at your own pace or whimsy.
Nothing wrong with being a pretentious gaming snob haha
Also grew up with Wind Waker and couldn't get into those realistic games, the journey and sometimes the lessons learned from the games make it the experience that'll also make your life better. Hopefully the blog helps you put it into words because there's certainly a lot to enjoy with it all so here's hoping you enjoy the journey too.
1 Yr✓#
Dorobo
1 Yr✓#
It's always good to try and experience a bunch of different games, but don't ever feel guilty about going back to a comfort game here and there if/when you experience burnout, or even take breaks from games altogether for a few days. Every once in a while, I also find myself disliking every game I try and boot up, even ones that I usually enjoy, and taking breaks usually cures that for me. I wish you luck!
4 Yrs♥$✓#
Siver
4 Yrs♥$✓#
Welcome to blogging!
Honestly I think it helps to think of backlogs as not backlogs, but a library of options. And some things in there you may not care at all about and that's okay. While others will come at their own time. And agreed with above about not feeling guilty returning to comfort games. I think they're important to have and at the end of the day it's meant to be a fun hobby, so it should be fun.
I hope writing about your journey can help you find some passion and wonder again. Sometimes talking about a game or writing down your thoughts and theories can strengthen the bond with it.
3 Yrs✓#
Skyhler
3 Yrs✓#
My biggest recommendation is two things. Similar to Siver, just think of it as a library of game opportunities. You're bound to have a new favourite game somewhere in your collection, and just take the occasional opportunity to take a stab at it. You'll find your bliss and enjoy the game for what it is :3
The other thing (which I'm currently working on right now) is do a PURGE. What does that mean? Well... think about it this way. "Does game x interest me?" It's not your job to play these games. It's the games job to entice you to play it. If it does, GREAT it did it's job. If it doesn't, oh well, it's just not tickling your fancy right now. So it's not gonna get the role of being your game (yet). I find slimming down the numbers until I just have stuff I'm interested in is actually a way to open the excitement gate again. Get rid of the noise, surround yourself with stuff you love, and the daunting gloom will disappear and instead may just reinstate the exciting hobby again.
All the best, we can all give you advice, but only you know the best way forward for you. But honestly, no judgement here. I'm not 2000 deep, but I'm 1000 (approx) deep. Now I just don't care. Games should work for me, not the other way around :3. WELCOME TO BLOGGING!
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Patchy_✓#
I appreciate this response, thank you for writing it.
I am very hopeful that one day I will fix this mess. I am working on it, and that's what matters.
Also I made myself a list that i'm only allowed to by 10 games a year now (until my backlog is gone,) and it's honestly really helping me work on this. Because whenever I want to look outward, I ask myself if I really want it to be one of my 10 games. And so I just turn to my backlog, which kind of feels like a storefront where I can 'buy' any game I want to play, when I want to play it.
It's nice, and it's also help taking some of the pressure off. Where I 'buy' games in my backlog, and there simply is what I've played and what I can buy.
Random to what you're saying XD but just kind of popped into my head and so i'm saying it I guess, lol.
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Patchy_✓#
-nods- fully agree with this. It helps knowing that it's not actually 400+ games i'm going to be playing. Knowing full well I will probably play through a quarter or half of a game and just decide i'm -all set- on it. And leave it behind for good.
Thankfully the overwhelming majority of purging my account has happened already. I still have some periods where I delete a handful of games. But It's truly nice to not own 2000+ games anymore. It's often hard to believe I owned so many games.
✓#
Patchy_✓#
March Backlog Journey Update
Note: I actually was pretty fluid with my gaming this month, but for the sake of not being verbose, there was a lot of games I started playing, got some hours into or more, and either shelfed it again deciding it’s not the time, or even deleted it from my library. So there’s a couple of large library cleaning moments I had this month, and I just threw these titles into those numbers just to save on words. Thank you for your understanding!!
Also I would like for this blog to sound less clinical as I go on, I think for right now i’m just very focused on the matter of clearing out games, I have a lot of games I do not need to spend my time on for myself. Or games I think I should let go in-favor of other games out there. I will get deeper into that when the time comes, but for now, i’m just very focused on getting that overall number lower.
I started playing Hellpoint, and it’s a game i’ve kind of held a desire to always try. It’s a darksouls kind of game that takes place in some weird sci-fi future that reminds me a little of warframe.
As I was playing it I just kept thinking why am I playing this game when I could be playing a game that’s a polished and much more complete package than this game. After reading some reviews about how there’s a meta-progression that’s so bad that the developer had to make it so you can respec your entire character specifically so you can meet the meta for later bosses is kinda…
I might come back to this game someday in the distant future after my backlog is complete. But for now and for the respect of my time. I’d be better off playing my copy of Dark Souls 3, The Surge 2, and Code Vein. Or even my enbyfriend’s copy of Elden Ring. So for now, if not potentially forever, good bye Hellpoint.
(449 Remaining)
I decided to finish up my playthrough of Half Past Fate, a game where you kind of go around talking to npcs and picking up bits of information and items to progress the narrative. It’s basically a visual novel with interactivity. Quite a pretty game, and an enjoyable experience. Though the sappy nature of everyone falling in love and working through all of this dialogue with characters you increasingly can’t remember (because the game follows 6 different playable characters with their own friends and family of course.)
It got a bit wearisome which is why I put it down. However I decided to spend some time with my enbyfriend on a call and bring the game to the finishline, so that’s nice and it’s not a bad game for those who know what they’re in for.
(448 Remaining)
I started playing Bioshock 2, but decided to drop the game. Half way through, while it was fun up until then. I reached a point where I just kind of was wondering why I was even playing the game. I really didn’t need the gameplay anymore because I knew i’d be able to just overcome it, and while I wanted to see the pretty visuals and other story beats ahead, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t just find out from a youtube video. I had previously beaten bioshock 1, and this is just that game over again with a new narrative. Generally most shooty games feel pretty much the same to me these days and the new coat of paint really can’t save them anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the general feeling I have towards most games i’m going to play moving ahead.
So I decided to let the game go again. I really should have finished this game back in 2015, but it is what it is.
Still a good game, but I don’t need to play it.
(447 Remaining)
Traded some leftover keys for a copy of Citizen Sleeper, and then bought Mythic Ocean for a dollar. Both for my future Steam Deck.
(449 Remaining)
Deleted 81 games from my collection. I really hate how many games I own. This really just… bothers me. Beyond this, how I live my life with all of this excess and not enjoying or savoring anything about life. I genuinely can’t stand it anymore.
(369 Remaining)
Beat Wanderlust. It’s pretty, but runs very poorly, and overly relies on shaders for visual candy and select screenshots. Not worth the money.
(368 Remaining)
Note: 3/13/24
During this month, I spent a lot of time deleting video games and trying to figure out what to play next. I jumped on some games and hopped off them as it’s just not what I want to play right now. I tried out starting Scarlet Nexus, but hopped off it to start playing cereza and the lost demon instead. Downloaded some games, like Sleepings Dogs and Darksiders 3, but decided to start playing Dragons Dogma Dark Arisen.
It’s hard to say where the river will take me, but I'm just kind of hopping onto games and seeing what I want to complete.
Still working through my playthrough of Breath of the Wild, and I'm quite happy with my progress. It’s a lovely game.
3/17/24
I ended up deciding to pick up a wishlist game I've been talking about with my partner and showing interest in for the past two years. So I bought Dodgeball Academia for my switch.
Also I decided to buy the Voice of Cards Trilogy as I wanted just a really chill experience to help me deal with stress at the end of the day or whenever it feels right. Since this is technically 4 games, I'm going to add it as such.
(372 Remaining)
Played through over halfway of Call of the Sea, and it’s just… it is… fine. I guess. I feel like it’s a game where if you haven’t played a ton of games it’s a perfectly fine game. But going in I feel like the plot twist was incredibly obvious and I did not find the overall narrative of the story of the expedition engaging. I personally found the game very boring, and outside the pretty visuals and puzzles (with way too much walking time in between engaging with other puzzle pieces) I found the game to be personally really dry. I looked online to see if it gets better but the visuals only get worse and the story only gets more obvious. The final twist at the end is good and the game has good voice acting, but ugh. I did not care for the writing and the quality of the game just kept going down as it went on. I decided to drop it.
(371 Remaining)
Watched this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TOSjeql1Jw) and revitalized my efforts to keep deleting and letting go of games, so I did that. (99)
(272 Remaining)
3/26/24
Beat Voice of Cards this morning, and I have to say. It was a great game. I’ve seen a lot of criticism flown about at this title, and my takeaway after playing it is that the game had a vision, and it made sure the entire game served that vision.
I really like how slow and simple the game was. It was really easy to just boot it up on my Switch and pause it whenever by switching into sleep mode, or saving the game and turning it off. Making the game very flexible to my needs whenever they were. They story was enjoyable, the combat was very lenient to whatever party composition and strategy you are going for; and the overall slow-paced nature of the game ranging anywhere from the combat and animations to the story and exploration. I understand and respect that people weren’t happy with ‘slog,’ but I personally really enjoyed and appreciated how much the game just forced you into that comfortable ttrpg feeling. It’s slow, you roll some dice, have some laughs, do some questing. It was so comforting for me, and I really appreciated that at this current time in my life.
I feel as if voice of cards was a game designed for everyone. That just about anyone can pick up this title, and beat it. From people playing one of their very first games, to people who’ve played dozens and dozens. It tried to find a middle ground and seemingly wasn’t extremely successful in that, but I personally don’t care and i’m glad. To me, the game was almost better for it. Whenever I started to get a bit weary on it, I just turned it off and switched to something else. I don’t firmly believe games need to be the only one you’re playing. Or that they need to be consistently entertaining and engaging. I don’t think enough people find value in turning off a game when your engagement or enjoyment is going down and then coming back a little later when you feel rejuvenated and ready to be open to the mood and pacing of a game. It’s also nice because for me it helps build anticipation and excitement to engage with the parts I enjoy about a game again. Even if it’s just excitement to hear certain songs again or see certain animations play out again.
I’m not going to play the other two games for some time so I don’t wear myself out on the card aesthetic and the vibe of the series. I definitely was getting a little worn out by the end as the limited scope of the combat can only be so engaging for so long. But I definitely enjoyed this game and i’m very happy to have played it.
I deeply recommend this trilogy to people who are searching for cozy games that aren’t your typical cloth of farming games with no real aim or objective where the gameplay is a continuous loop you’ve experienced dozens of times before.
Voice of cards is slow-paced, relaxing, fully voice acted with a DM who narrates the experience and throws in funny table jokes occasionally, contains well-composed music, and a pleasing aesthetic experience atop a straight-forward jrpg.
Great game, glad to have played it.
Also, within this same day, I decided to start Lumino City, and I completed it, didn’t expect to complete two games today. Lol. Very pretty game! It’s aged a little, but it’s still quite a good game and I recommend it. Though the puzzles could’ve done with more hints, and I was positively stumped at the turbine puzzles (aside the 2nd one in that section) Yeesh.
(270 Remaining)
I am predicting that very little will happen today and tomorrow in-terms of my backlog journey (3/30/24), so i’m ending this with a little round off of what i’m currently doing.
I am working on completing my playthrough of Tokyo Xanadu eX+ (great game so far)
I started the last of us and am nearing 1/4th completion of the game (I just finished getting through Lincoln.)
I am 48% of the way through Metroid Prime Remastered (how in gods name is this game running at 60 fps, handheld, looking THAT GOOD on the switch????) and i’m enjoying my time with this one. Looking forward to writing my little spheal about it in next month's blog update.
Next month I am planning to focus primarily on console gaming and playing games on my switch when I don’t want to be downstairs, (I have a lot of homework to do next month so it won’t be especially viable of an option at all times.)
I also -really- need to finish up Kirby Triple Deluxe. I am on the cusp of completion, like 5% away from being done, it’s really just one more level or so and the final boss. But the game’s charm wore off for me and it’s not that mechanically engaging for me. I know people would say I could just drop it, but for me I feel like I owe it to the game and myself to get it over the finish line. This doesn’t feel like a drop it kind of scenario. So next month I should make sure I get that done. Shouldn’t be too hard to bang out. Probably will do it after I finish up metroid prime and Tokyo Xanadu.
This month, I have started working on respecting my time more, and respecting death more. Realizing I don’t have infinite time, and looking more over the receipts of how I spend my time. I spend hours watching dumb youtube shorts and lazing about in bed, idling and staring at nothing for hours on end or rolling back and forth in bed listening to music and endless lo-fi playlists for hours, if not the whole day.
This coupled with me learning how to reengage with being a person, how life is a complex mixture of discomfort and euphoria, anguish and joy. I spend so much of every day numbing myself and choosing to find a comfortable hell where very little jostles me and I receive a drip feed of “happiness” and “pleasure” every day. From funny videos, music that sounds really good, warmth of my bed. I lie to myself and tell myself this is happiness, that this is a “good life.”
It’s not. It’s hell. It’s a hell where I sacrifice everything unique and special about being alive for being a comfortable rock. A life where I never achieve my goals where if I had started years ago, I would -be- there by now if not at least so much closer than I currently am. Which in itself used to just sink me further into the pit, but now it emboldens me because I understand how terrifyingly amazing humans are.
Humans learn things remarkably fast. Astoundingly fast. The things people can learn in one day, accomplish in one day; over one week? Two? A month? Is downright inspiring. And this isn’t even the exceptional among us, this is just normal humans, normal people. Even people who struggle and take so much longer to learn something don’t realize just how fast they’re learning. When you’re learning absolutely nothing, doing absolutely nothing, it’s fucking amazing the gap that is created in growth and progress towards one’s goals as opposed to doing absolutely nothing in a handful of months.
We all waste so much time, and i’ve married this with experiences. Why don’t we experience more, why do we all convince ourselves that this is the way to live life. To not navigate relationships with others, to be a part of communities and events, experiencing explorations on mountains and rivers. To take chances and fucking suck at doing things and fail miserably, to take chances and to blow things out of the water and rise to new heights. Why do we all rob ourselves of these experiences. I died a decade ago when I started living this life. I have nothing to speak of, nothing. Is this what I want for myself, for ourselves? A life with no personality or taste, a life where I never navigate the discomfort and pleasure of being a human?
I had written before in this passage for this month that I'm not meant to experience everything, and that hurts many people. It hurts me. And I have found happiness and comfort within that hurt as i’ve come to realize that’s what gives my life its texture, its traction. Not every experience will grace my hands in this life and I will soon come to find and have found before that the things that do are special. I know the appreciation I have found in the past because of such restrictions, the fondness and comfort of experiences I hold dear specifically because of being without excess.
I will admit these thoughts and feelings have been simmering in the pot over the months before I started this blog. But over this past month I have been afforded another chance to reevaluate what really matters in this life because of a message I know and hear and have it said to me. But no one really ever says to me, to anyone.
I am going to die someday.
You are going to die someday.
We are both going to die.
It would hurt me for us to live a life where we are living passively or in fear of your ability to choose a better day for ourselves.
I don’t know you, the person who’s reading this. But it scares me if you are living a life where you are not walking forward towards a life you want for yourself.
It is okay to be scared.
It is okay to be scared every single step of the way.
It is okay to be uncomfortable.
It is okay to be inconvenienced.
I have been messing this life up for myself for well over a decade now and I turn 30 next month.
And i’m gonna keep messing it up for a bit longer, and that’s ok.
Each day, as I try a little more, even if it’s just turning off the youtube shorts and forcing myself to keep working through a video game, I feel like I am actually *doing* something. I’m not just living a passive life in countless senses of the word where I thoughtlessly consume or experience whatever drifts by me. I feel the sensation of actualization accumulating inside of me as I realize further more I can engage in and -start- something.
Maybe I won’t see it through, but I don’t need to. Not right now. Right now, I need to grow.
And you do too if this message resonates with you at all.
Take this chance, and take the time look within yourself, and give yourself the chance to grow, and foster that in whatever way that means something to you.
Just don’t let that plant die on me. Please.
Note: I actually was pretty fluid with my gaming this month, but for the sake of not being verbose, there was a lot of games I started playing, got some hours into or more, and either shelfed it again deciding it’s not the time, or even deleted it from my library. So there’s a couple of large library cleaning moments I had this month, and I just threw these titles into those numbers just to save on words. Thank you for your understanding!!
Also I would like for this blog to sound less clinical as I go on, I think for right now i’m just very focused on the matter of clearing out games, I have a lot of games I do not need to spend my time on for myself. Or games I think I should let go in-favor of other games out there. I will get deeper into that when the time comes, but for now, i’m just very focused on getting that overall number lower.
I started playing Hellpoint, and it’s a game i’ve kind of held a desire to always try. It’s a darksouls kind of game that takes place in some weird sci-fi future that reminds me a little of warframe.
As I was playing it I just kept thinking why am I playing this game when I could be playing a game that’s a polished and much more complete package than this game. After reading some reviews about how there’s a meta-progression that’s so bad that the developer had to make it so you can respec your entire character specifically so you can meet the meta for later bosses is kinda…
I might come back to this game someday in the distant future after my backlog is complete. But for now and for the respect of my time. I’d be better off playing my copy of Dark Souls 3, The Surge 2, and Code Vein. Or even my enbyfriend’s copy of Elden Ring. So for now, if not potentially forever, good bye Hellpoint.
(449 Remaining)
I decided to finish up my playthrough of Half Past Fate, a game where you kind of go around talking to npcs and picking up bits of information and items to progress the narrative. It’s basically a visual novel with interactivity. Quite a pretty game, and an enjoyable experience. Though the sappy nature of everyone falling in love and working through all of this dialogue with characters you increasingly can’t remember (because the game follows 6 different playable characters with their own friends and family of course.)
It got a bit wearisome which is why I put it down. However I decided to spend some time with my enbyfriend on a call and bring the game to the finishline, so that’s nice and it’s not a bad game for those who know what they’re in for.
(448 Remaining)
I started playing Bioshock 2, but decided to drop the game. Half way through, while it was fun up until then. I reached a point where I just kind of was wondering why I was even playing the game. I really didn’t need the gameplay anymore because I knew i’d be able to just overcome it, and while I wanted to see the pretty visuals and other story beats ahead, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t just find out from a youtube video. I had previously beaten bioshock 1, and this is just that game over again with a new narrative. Generally most shooty games feel pretty much the same to me these days and the new coat of paint really can’t save them anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the general feeling I have towards most games i’m going to play moving ahead.
So I decided to let the game go again. I really should have finished this game back in 2015, but it is what it is.
Still a good game, but I don’t need to play it.
(447 Remaining)
Traded some leftover keys for a copy of Citizen Sleeper, and then bought Mythic Ocean for a dollar. Both for my future Steam Deck.
(449 Remaining)
Deleted 81 games from my collection. I really hate how many games I own. This really just… bothers me. Beyond this, how I live my life with all of this excess and not enjoying or savoring anything about life. I genuinely can’t stand it anymore.
(369 Remaining)
Beat Wanderlust. It’s pretty, but runs very poorly, and overly relies on shaders for visual candy and select screenshots. Not worth the money.
(368 Remaining)
Note: 3/13/24
During this month, I spent a lot of time deleting video games and trying to figure out what to play next. I jumped on some games and hopped off them as it’s just not what I want to play right now. I tried out starting Scarlet Nexus, but hopped off it to start playing cereza and the lost demon instead. Downloaded some games, like Sleepings Dogs and Darksiders 3, but decided to start playing Dragons Dogma Dark Arisen.
It’s hard to say where the river will take me, but I'm just kind of hopping onto games and seeing what I want to complete.
Still working through my playthrough of Breath of the Wild, and I'm quite happy with my progress. It’s a lovely game.
3/17/24
I ended up deciding to pick up a wishlist game I've been talking about with my partner and showing interest in for the past two years. So I bought Dodgeball Academia for my switch.
Also I decided to buy the Voice of Cards Trilogy as I wanted just a really chill experience to help me deal with stress at the end of the day or whenever it feels right. Since this is technically 4 games, I'm going to add it as such.
(372 Remaining)
Played through over halfway of Call of the Sea, and it’s just… it is… fine. I guess. I feel like it’s a game where if you haven’t played a ton of games it’s a perfectly fine game. But going in I feel like the plot twist was incredibly obvious and I did not find the overall narrative of the story of the expedition engaging. I personally found the game very boring, and outside the pretty visuals and puzzles (with way too much walking time in between engaging with other puzzle pieces) I found the game to be personally really dry. I looked online to see if it gets better but the visuals only get worse and the story only gets more obvious. The final twist at the end is good and the game has good voice acting, but ugh. I did not care for the writing and the quality of the game just kept going down as it went on. I decided to drop it.
(371 Remaining)
Watched this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TOSjeql1Jw) and revitalized my efforts to keep deleting and letting go of games, so I did that. (99)
(272 Remaining)
3/26/24
Beat Voice of Cards this morning, and I have to say. It was a great game. I’ve seen a lot of criticism flown about at this title, and my takeaway after playing it is that the game had a vision, and it made sure the entire game served that vision.
I really like how slow and simple the game was. It was really easy to just boot it up on my Switch and pause it whenever by switching into sleep mode, or saving the game and turning it off. Making the game very flexible to my needs whenever they were. They story was enjoyable, the combat was very lenient to whatever party composition and strategy you are going for; and the overall slow-paced nature of the game ranging anywhere from the combat and animations to the story and exploration. I understand and respect that people weren’t happy with ‘slog,’ but I personally really enjoyed and appreciated how much the game just forced you into that comfortable ttrpg feeling. It’s slow, you roll some dice, have some laughs, do some questing. It was so comforting for me, and I really appreciated that at this current time in my life.
I feel as if voice of cards was a game designed for everyone. That just about anyone can pick up this title, and beat it. From people playing one of their very first games, to people who’ve played dozens and dozens. It tried to find a middle ground and seemingly wasn’t extremely successful in that, but I personally don’t care and i’m glad. To me, the game was almost better for it. Whenever I started to get a bit weary on it, I just turned it off and switched to something else. I don’t firmly believe games need to be the only one you’re playing. Or that they need to be consistently entertaining and engaging. I don’t think enough people find value in turning off a game when your engagement or enjoyment is going down and then coming back a little later when you feel rejuvenated and ready to be open to the mood and pacing of a game. It’s also nice because for me it helps build anticipation and excitement to engage with the parts I enjoy about a game again. Even if it’s just excitement to hear certain songs again or see certain animations play out again.
I’m not going to play the other two games for some time so I don’t wear myself out on the card aesthetic and the vibe of the series. I definitely was getting a little worn out by the end as the limited scope of the combat can only be so engaging for so long. But I definitely enjoyed this game and i’m very happy to have played it.
I deeply recommend this trilogy to people who are searching for cozy games that aren’t your typical cloth of farming games with no real aim or objective where the gameplay is a continuous loop you’ve experienced dozens of times before.
Voice of cards is slow-paced, relaxing, fully voice acted with a DM who narrates the experience and throws in funny table jokes occasionally, contains well-composed music, and a pleasing aesthetic experience atop a straight-forward jrpg.
Great game, glad to have played it.
Also, within this same day, I decided to start Lumino City, and I completed it, didn’t expect to complete two games today. Lol. Very pretty game! It’s aged a little, but it’s still quite a good game and I recommend it. Though the puzzles could’ve done with more hints, and I was positively stumped at the turbine puzzles (aside the 2nd one in that section) Yeesh.
(270 Remaining)
I am predicting that very little will happen today and tomorrow in-terms of my backlog journey (3/30/24), so i’m ending this with a little round off of what i’m currently doing.
I am working on completing my playthrough of Tokyo Xanadu eX+ (great game so far)
I started the last of us and am nearing 1/4th completion of the game (I just finished getting through Lincoln.)
I am 48% of the way through Metroid Prime Remastered (how in gods name is this game running at 60 fps, handheld, looking THAT GOOD on the switch????) and i’m enjoying my time with this one. Looking forward to writing my little spheal about it in next month's blog update.
Next month I am planning to focus primarily on console gaming and playing games on my switch when I don’t want to be downstairs, (I have a lot of homework to do next month so it won’t be especially viable of an option at all times.)
I also -really- need to finish up Kirby Triple Deluxe. I am on the cusp of completion, like 5% away from being done, it’s really just one more level or so and the final boss. But the game’s charm wore off for me and it’s not that mechanically engaging for me. I know people would say I could just drop it, but for me I feel like I owe it to the game and myself to get it over the finish line. This doesn’t feel like a drop it kind of scenario. So next month I should make sure I get that done. Shouldn’t be too hard to bang out. Probably will do it after I finish up metroid prime and Tokyo Xanadu.
This month, I have started working on respecting my time more, and respecting death more. Realizing I don’t have infinite time, and looking more over the receipts of how I spend my time. I spend hours watching dumb youtube shorts and lazing about in bed, idling and staring at nothing for hours on end or rolling back and forth in bed listening to music and endless lo-fi playlists for hours, if not the whole day.
This coupled with me learning how to reengage with being a person, how life is a complex mixture of discomfort and euphoria, anguish and joy. I spend so much of every day numbing myself and choosing to find a comfortable hell where very little jostles me and I receive a drip feed of “happiness” and “pleasure” every day. From funny videos, music that sounds really good, warmth of my bed. I lie to myself and tell myself this is happiness, that this is a “good life.”
It’s not. It’s hell. It’s a hell where I sacrifice everything unique and special about being alive for being a comfortable rock. A life where I never achieve my goals where if I had started years ago, I would -be- there by now if not at least so much closer than I currently am. Which in itself used to just sink me further into the pit, but now it emboldens me because I understand how terrifyingly amazing humans are.
Humans learn things remarkably fast. Astoundingly fast. The things people can learn in one day, accomplish in one day; over one week? Two? A month? Is downright inspiring. And this isn’t even the exceptional among us, this is just normal humans, normal people. Even people who struggle and take so much longer to learn something don’t realize just how fast they’re learning. When you’re learning absolutely nothing, doing absolutely nothing, it’s fucking amazing the gap that is created in growth and progress towards one’s goals as opposed to doing absolutely nothing in a handful of months.
We all waste so much time, and i’ve married this with experiences. Why don’t we experience more, why do we all convince ourselves that this is the way to live life. To not navigate relationships with others, to be a part of communities and events, experiencing explorations on mountains and rivers. To take chances and fucking suck at doing things and fail miserably, to take chances and to blow things out of the water and rise to new heights. Why do we all rob ourselves of these experiences. I died a decade ago when I started living this life. I have nothing to speak of, nothing. Is this what I want for myself, for ourselves? A life with no personality or taste, a life where I never navigate the discomfort and pleasure of being a human?
I had written before in this passage for this month that I'm not meant to experience everything, and that hurts many people. It hurts me. And I have found happiness and comfort within that hurt as i’ve come to realize that’s what gives my life its texture, its traction. Not every experience will grace my hands in this life and I will soon come to find and have found before that the things that do are special. I know the appreciation I have found in the past because of such restrictions, the fondness and comfort of experiences I hold dear specifically because of being without excess.
I will admit these thoughts and feelings have been simmering in the pot over the months before I started this blog. But over this past month I have been afforded another chance to reevaluate what really matters in this life because of a message I know and hear and have it said to me. But no one really ever says to me, to anyone.
I am going to die someday.
You are going to die someday.
We are both going to die.
It would hurt me for us to live a life where we are living passively or in fear of your ability to choose a better day for ourselves.
I don’t know you, the person who’s reading this. But it scares me if you are living a life where you are not walking forward towards a life you want for yourself.
It is okay to be scared.
It is okay to be scared every single step of the way.
It is okay to be uncomfortable.
It is okay to be inconvenienced.
I have been messing this life up for myself for well over a decade now and I turn 30 next month.
And i’m gonna keep messing it up for a bit longer, and that’s ok.
Each day, as I try a little more, even if it’s just turning off the youtube shorts and forcing myself to keep working through a video game, I feel like I am actually *doing* something. I’m not just living a passive life in countless senses of the word where I thoughtlessly consume or experience whatever drifts by me. I feel the sensation of actualization accumulating inside of me as I realize further more I can engage in and -start- something.
Maybe I won’t see it through, but I don’t need to. Not right now. Right now, I need to grow.
And you do too if this message resonates with you at all.
Take this chance, and take the time look within yourself, and give yourself the chance to grow, and foster that in whatever way that means something to you.
Just don’t let that plant die on me. Please.
✓#
Patchy_✓#
I wish I could change the title of this blog, but a part of me kind of hopes it takes on a new life of its own.
I feel like it's often that unreasonable is seen as this massive swell of games of hundreds of games. But as the blog goes on, I kind of hope that even small numbers can be seen as "unreasonable" out of respect for our lives and our time as we prioritize what's important to ourselves.
I feel like it's often that unreasonable is seen as this massive swell of games of hundreds of games. But as the blog goes on, I kind of hope that even small numbers can be seen as "unreasonable" out of respect for our lives and our time as we prioritize what's important to ourselves.
✓#
Patchy_✓#
This blog is still up and running, I just haven't felt right to articulate how i've been feeling and what i've been doing lately.
But to anyone who goes to my profile you'll see it's 124 backlogs (it's around that range give or take 5-20 more games, it's hard to keep track of all of this right now since the number has been crunched from 2.2k.)
I've deleted a lot of games since my last posting, and I haven't really played that many games the past month. Though ever since I got my steam deck a week ago, i've sliced through a good few games and eliminated some other games I decided weren't right for me to play from my account.
Progress is good and while I still want to and need to delete more games, I feel less of a pressing need to violently comb through my remaining backlog. Deciding perhaps its best I just actually play the games and see if I even want to play them, or decide which ones aren't right for me anymore.
I hope anyone who's reading this keeps on with their journey, whatever that journey is for you in life right now. You're doing good. Keep going.
But to anyone who goes to my profile you'll see it's 124 backlogs (it's around that range give or take 5-20 more games, it's hard to keep track of all of this right now since the number has been crunched from 2.2k.)
I've deleted a lot of games since my last posting, and I haven't really played that many games the past month. Though ever since I got my steam deck a week ago, i've sliced through a good few games and eliminated some other games I decided weren't right for me to play from my account.
Progress is good and while I still want to and need to delete more games, I feel less of a pressing need to violently comb through my remaining backlog. Deciding perhaps its best I just actually play the games and see if I even want to play them, or decide which ones aren't right for me anymore.
I hope anyone who's reading this keeps on with their journey, whatever that journey is for you in life right now. You're doing good. Keep going.
✓#
Patchy_✓#
This blog isn't dead, i've been away in sweden for the summer and I plan to write a new post soon. It's just awkward to write on swedish keyboards and so i'm going to wait until i'm back in NA. Stay tuned for a new post later this month in a few weeks!